Thursday, 28 January 2016

52 Weeks of Acknowledging Me

This ones coming a lot quicker then I planned, mostly because I just found myself talking to family about this plan and finding myself pondering it so I thought, well why not talk about things now.

I’d also like to say I’m going to just talk about the big things that changed my life for the better. it might not seem that way a lot of the times, but everything that I’ve putting up here is about what I considered a turning point but more so something I’m proud of or, well, changed me.

The 10 Year Plan

The other day I found myself talking to my in-laws about what my 10 year plan was and I found myself justifying it.

No that’s not right, it was more trying to resay what I was saying. Justifying how I’d said it. and I’m not in any way saying it was to them I’ve had thing problem, but the last of the many times I’ve spoken of my plan and ending up not really saying what it was. Or not saying it in a way that will stop people scrunching up there nose at me.

The reason I’ve got a ten year plan where most people wouldn’t think of such a thing, wouldn’t have such a goal is because of children and depression.

I’ve mention this before though I think I’ll say it again because it’s important to the whole suture of what I’m saying, but I was 19 when I feel pregnant, hell, if I think on it, and probably do some maths, I hadn’t even hit my 19th birthday when I did the test and found out that I was.

I’ll preface this by saying I was of the oldest out of my friends, and therefore spend the first 6 months of my 18th not doing legal things (as in Australia we are legally allowed to drink by said age). I had 5 months between when my best friend at the time turned 18 and I became pregnant.

More so children were never the plan. I never wanted to be a mother. Didn’t care for children any more then I cared for animals. They were just what other people wanted, never me. And I ended up young and pregnant and well the start of me being a mum.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m happy now and I’m liking this life just as much as I’d like the other life I wanted to live, but the way I see it, the way I talk to people about it is like being a mum is a struggle I can’t wait to get out from under.

Which I can’t. I can’t wait until my kids are old enough that they don’t need me for most of their daily life. I can’t wait until they don’t need me for more than a weekly phone call when I can get away from the life of children and having people who care where the hell I am ever second of the day when they are in a place they should be able to see me.

I love my kids, I’m glad I had them, but my thoughts on children are still the same. Other than my own and my brothers (and sisters when I get them) children are just …

So in order to be able to do everything I want to do, like go to America in my 40th year, pick up April and head around the USA for a while then I have to have a plan set in. and being as the year I turn 40 my son would have turned 20 and my daughter 18, it can happen if I have the money. So I have my plan, which entails me making my company something.

So my plan is quite simple.