Saturday 15 September 2012

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #6

Starting paragraph
Gods she’s beautiful, Cray thought as he looked upon the Jane that had caught his eye and held it from the moment he first saw her.
Beauty of Summer (Warrior Brethren #.5) opening line

Words to begin with: I’m a coward. Scardy Cat. A....a.... shit, I can only think of those two. Man, how lame am I?

 Yeah, you probably already know that there’s something defiantly wrong in my mind, for one, I obviously talk to myself a lot more than is probably normal, I just get away with it because I can use the excuse of writing a book. Still, it’s a weird factor, and one of the absolute favourite things about me (if I do say so myself)

Still, it’s come to my attention (if this isn’t the first time, then sorry, but I sometimes forget what I say on these things, so just skip on threw) that I’m sabotaging myself. I can’t seem to finish a book, and the light has come on that maybe it’s something I’m doing to myself rather than an inability to finish.
I’m not making sense. Sit back, breathe, think, type.

The other day (last Tuesday, I think) I was out on our annual family dinner with my sister and she told me that her friend had ask her to tell me that she wanted to read one of my books. Now, this wasn’t a surprise, since back when I first started out I asked me sis if she would ask her friend to read my book, see how she liked it, and what I needed to change. You know have someone outside the family, who actually like the area that I was writing in what she thought.
She said yeah, that’s cool, I’d love to.
This was back in 2009, I think. It’s now a couple of years later and though I could have over the three books that I wanted her to read originally I have started to re-write one so that’s out.
It took me a couple of days with me in a sort of nervous excitement (usual. It’s the emotions I feel when I’m about to finish a first draft. When I give it to my Nan to read, and I’m sure what I will spend my time in when I actually send the books away to see if I can sell it) and with my mind running through what book to give her, what one I needed to finish....
And then I realised that while I was talking (to myself) I was coming up with reason why she can’t have this one. Can’t have that one.

It’s actually what happens when I start to fall into depression. It’s slow, and sneaky, with little remarks that aren’t really anything but a light in which I’m looking at myself under.
Well, I was doing it with my books.

I just don’t know what I’m so scared of.
The worse that could happen is it’s sent back to me, or a little is, saying that my books was shit. If I’m lucky they will have red lined why for me to fix it up. Or if not, it was just that shit.
The best, they could think it’s the next one hit wonder and throw a heap of money and support behind it and I could get international recognition (honestly, just thinking about that one have me cringing in my seat)
Or they could like it, publish it, sell it, and I’ll make a couple extra dollars from it, as it gets sent out into the world, and then hopefully they will wont more, and I’m write it, and so on, and so on.....

The worse then of all, it seems, that I just don’t want to have my book ready to get to a stage where someone could read it. And I’m not sure why, really, when Nan read my books it turned out better than I thought it would. So shouldn’t I like the idea of getting them to a point where, at least, Nan could read them? Shouldn’t that be over for me? That anisole butterflies from having someone else read my work?
Shouldn’t I be okay with it...?

Sun: FATHERS DAY, in Australia.
Mon: went to an event on e-book publishing by Publish! Blue Mountains.
I unfriendly missed part one and went to part two, though next month they are having a wrap up that I wouldn’t mind going to.
So it went on about the different places to make an ebook, and so when I get a new computer (fingers crossed it will be within the month) I will be able to get the program I need and then you can have the book I’m going load up there for you.
I’d go on and on about what it was all about and what we talk about, but I can only remember what I need and even that’s one the point placed ones.
But it was good and I learnt what I needed to learn. I just need to spend the money and get my books Edited and then put into the program so that I can put it up on my blog.

Tue: 2,291 words in Beauty of Summer.
            I finished it!
Though there’s still something pinging in my head that’s saying I haven’t yet. But I think that’s more because I didn’t end it with the words I wanted to when I started the story. that too and I’ll have to re-write it, and make sure it all makes sense, so that could add a different ending. Who knows.

Anyway, as I was saying. I finished the story.
It will be up on my blog already, just look.
Beauty of Summer
(Warrior Brethren, #.5)
This is Cray & Anna’s story
It has 18,655 words

When you’re stuck with the feeling of longing and desire, or the feeling of malevolence, which direction do you run?
What Anna didn’t realise, it just wasn’t her choice.
At least that’s what he thought. Now it’s up to Cray to find out a way to get him off the hunt for her. He just hopes he can get to the powers that can help before the wolf gets its prize.

Thur: okay. I have this problem. I’m trying to finish writing one of my stories—{to be named}, my peter pan tale. And I just can’t seem to start the damn thing. and I know there’s another thing that I really need to finish, my part about Fire, but I will have to read the whole damn thing to get to that part, because I’ll need her voice back in my head. I’ll need to remember where she stood. What needs to be put in, what has been put in, and a re-remember for where I am at.
The damn beginning is bugging me. Ever since I started the story I have never liked the beginning. I’ve never been able to finish it. I’ve never been able to find a way to start it. And it’s pissing me off.

I wrote 1,951 words in Walking a Different Line (well probably change name, it’s not matching me story at the moment, that could change though I haven’t really figured out the full plot line).
Anyway I had to stop because my voice started to go a little Country.  It’s mostly because I’m watching Criminal Minds—season... the last I think, because—how cares, it’s the one of the young married couple who end up killing a heap of people. The mass killing in petrel stations and all that crap. And I’m reading (or was before writing, and will probably go back now) The Broken H by JL Langley.
So.... maybe tomorrow I can get back to it.

Fri: took out 937 words in Body of Darkness (WB#1) and replace (added words with cut & Paste) it with 1,310words. I’m getting the first chapter ready so that I can send it off. Which also means that I need to spend some time next week reading up Harlequin’s groups to see where the series would sit better. Then I’ll have to spend the next month finishing the book just in case.
Then when I do and set it up I’ll have to kill myself and just hit send!!!

Sat: 728 words in Walking a Different Line
Mon: I’ve decided (though it wasn’t right this minute one) that I was going to make a short series from the werewolf series I’ve posted onto my blog.
Though the ones to come with hopefully be a little longer than the one I’ve written first, but I’m not putting that down on stone, these will come as they come and will be as long as they are.
Saying this I have the next 2 already coming up, they aren’t fully planned, just started writing them. They are also up on the blog. There own page and all, you should go and have a look!
I just put up a page for it and for my other series; you should go check them out.
            Moonlit Wolves series
            Warrior Brethren series
Later:   363 words in Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2)
                        1,991 words in Seeking my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)

Tue: 862 words in Seeking my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)
I’m so friggin’ tired!!! I really need to sleep. Ahh......
Okay, ‘cause I’m tired (mentioned above) I put together the names for the next—well, I’ve actually got the names for 29 books, but I’ve got the first 9 set out. Sorted—mostly because the pack is mentioned in the book I’m writing (also above) so I have to get their names all set up so I had them, right? And while I was at it, I thought, well, why not, and I put partners with them. And then I just kept on going.
They are plan ordinary names, because the characters aren’t young so they aren’t sitting in the freeing age of names, like Summer, or Koby (‘cause I should really mention a boy’s name).
The good thing with this, down the track, is that I know whose coming next from a mile away and therefore I’ll be able to add them, make you want to read their story. Hopefully. But first there’s 9 books coming up. 9 is where the pack sits now.

Wed: re-done the start of Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2), liking this one much better. 794 words.
Need to find a place for them to live.

Thur: 640 words in Seeking my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)
Fri:  (family emergence, sick kid)
Sat:  I promised my dad that I would and so I’m going to.
This day is set out so that I can finish my book. Or at least get it to a point someone else can read it. And I know that it may take more than today. But I have to finish it. I promised.
            So, looking over, re-writing, and adding information, story lines and points in
Body of Darkness (Warrior Brethren #1)
So, now I guess, since it’s the way this whole thing goes I should actually tell you how it’s all set out. But instead, because this is such a long posting already I’m going to go ahead and do a special on it for next time.

Ending Paragraph
“No, you were the reason they could. You saved me, and now I’m not ever letting you go.”
                “Good ‘cause I wasn’t planning on going anywhere without you.”
Beauty of Summer, (Warrior Brethren #.5), end line

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