Saturday 27 October 2012

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #9

Starting paragraph
He couldn’t stand those images in his head and no matter what they were always there. Circling around him like vaulters, waiting for him to slip and think about the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2) page 12

So, this week I decided to change up this posting—mostly it’s because I’m a shit as blogger. No, really, I hate pushing my thoughts and opinions on people who don’t want to hear them. I hate pushing things on others (yeah, see why I need a publisher—shelf publishing kind of needs pushiness). But I love blogging. I love this, it’s awesome. But even this post has me questioning myself. Has me thinking I’m not giving you a chose in whether you read it or not. Which is stupid, ‘cause you’re reading it, so you obviously want to, right?
Still, I write this section so that I can have that outlet and make it your chose whether you read or not. But it’s not really why I decided to have this post.
I decided to have it because I felt, as a writer(-to-be) I wanted a place where you could come and see who I’m going. An update. And because I’ve been on a lot of others author’s blog lately I felt I would change this one up.
Tell us if you like this one better, or should I go back to what it was before?

What I’ve done
(This part is set up with what I wanted to do this week and what actually happened)

The book

What I’m hoping


Body of Darkness (WB#1)

Read-threw, touch up

Read, fixed / next: outside read

Forever with my werewolf (MW2)


4,599/10,844 wc

What was thrown in this fortnight


In the dark with a Werewolf (moonlit wolves #10)

337/578 wc

Walking a Different Line

Read threw first, 913/4884 wc

The Excuses
(This part is where I tell you the crap that I come up with for the reasons I haven’t done what I wanted to this fortnight)
·         I’m really excited because I’m getting my new glasses at the end of the week (27th) and when I get excited about something I tend to obsess a little and so, that excitement is making it hard to get ampt to write anything

Thoughts for Thoughts
(This will be like it always was, because I do like it, just don’t like pushing it on you)

Let’s start off the fortnight with a question….
…. “Why do woman like reading m/m romances/erotica?”
Why wouldn’t we, is a good answer and it’s from a person that actually reads them. But more so, why wouldn’t we?
For years it’s been a known fact that men like women macking on woman, coming all over each other’s faces and all that (wow, graphic of me, sorry) and that’s meant to be perfectly normal. That’s just something they get off on.
So why isn’t it for a woman to find two men a turn on? We like men, we like the reality of love, the look of it in the other’s eyes as it’s displayed.
We like dick.
We like the look of a man’s body and in m/m erotica that’s what we get. On both sides. There’s no woman with perfect bodies, perky breasts, things we don’t have. Things normal woman, who have to deal with that pesky thing called gravity, have to deal with. And then there’s the fact that when in a book it bends to be all about the woman, because that’s what we won’t. A man doting on us, thinking us the most desirable thing in the world.
But we, as woman, like dick.
We like the hard lines of a man.
We like the solidness, the roughness, the maleness of men.
At least heterowomen do. Don’t we?
Male on male erotica is all about that. It’s about men loving men. Yeah, the penetration of the thing is different and not something we can do (bodily, we can do it). But there’s the love in the books that’s just as much a turn on, if not more, then the sex. Because love equals fan-fucking-tastic sex. And woman, well, we love emotions, don’t we? With love being in love. We love that they love each other so much that they will go through anything for that other person. And sometimes that shown more in m/m romance because there’s more in their way.
I’ve just been seeing around lately that they keep on asking that one question. “Why do woman like males fucking so much?”
Isn’t it obvious?

I also have to tell you about Matthew Shepard’s story; he’s a guy who got tied to a fence by two men and then pistol whipped and then left for dead all because he was gay. It’s his anniversary this Friday, and he’s story along with the story about (shit, sorry, I forgot his name) he was a black man that got tied up to a back of a truck and pulled behind until he died, I’m guess—how fucked up it that?! It’s only been since Obama that Hate Crimes are a punishable offence and you get big time for it, for what I understand.
It’s so fucked up, and I did write about a page on it, but I get a little into religion and the fucked world that we live in, and that doesn’t need to be published.

Sat: so, I watched this show on ABC last night—unfortunately, it was only the end half of it, when I wanted to watch the whole show but I forgot it was on. It was about Transgender, and a bunch of them in England that were at a getaway.
Anyway, it was interesting, and I really do wish I remember, but it’s not all that important to my everyday life, just something to understand a little more, I suppose.
Anyway, it helped me with some of the details I’m going to have to look up, and even helped in change a bit of attitude in Book 16 of my Moonlit Wolves series.

The biggest thing about the show, or about Transgender that I can’t wrap my head around is the operations. Or more so, what it feels like afterwards. What the possess that they have to go through to become what they truly are.
And I know that’s a little….weird. But I’m like that, I need information that I don’t think I would ever be able to get.
  • Like, when they make a pussy, can they still come? Because they cut off their balls? But then also, is it that all the insides, the veins and nerves, are they still there, just…inside?
  • And then with the men, when they get a penis, how does that happen? How….dose that work??
I’m curious about it, and I’m sure if I wanted to I could look it all up, but I’m not all that smart. Though I’ll still look, and if you want I’ll tell you, just might take me until I’m getting up to Brand’s entry into the series.

Mon: tried to do some research last night, came to it, I couldn’t figure out what the hell I was researching.
Which is really bad, because there’s a great deal that I need to, and probably never will.
But I went surfing and I found out this….

About Australian blood banks. It’s not that they won’t take Homosexual blood; I don’t think they can’t accept it. But they won’t take your blood if you are a male and have had sex with a male.
The person on the site said, it was a wording thing that was a problem, because if they have had safe sex then what’s the problem.
My question, is that what they ask everyone? If they have had sex in the last 12 months, because it’s not fucking a male only dease. You are the safest from HIV and Aids if you are a lesbian, and that’ about it. Heterosexual woman are just as likely to pick up HIV as gay men.
Another, is the question ‘penetrating sex with another male?’ because sex can be defined in a lot of different ways, and not everyone takes penetration sex as the only form. Also, it may be popular as a form of sex between men, but it’s not the only way to have sex. Not really. But as the question is just about sex….?
(And yeah, I’m a slacker, or I would know the full list, but my blood isn’t any good, I’m naturally to low of Iron—which helps no one).

337 words:  In the Dark with a Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #10)

Tue: it’s so unfair, you’d think have it as an eBook we would be able to leap past the fact that we are Australian, but no, it’s like waiting for a fucking book to come out. We wait and wait and wait and hold our breaths and bitch and bitch—why are we still doing that? Why is it so hard for something in eBook to be released in Australia when it is anywhere else?

Onto other new, I got my eyes retested and they are 4 lenses stronger than originally—yeah! Not. I have two weeks to wait for them to come in, but at least when that happens I’ll have a pair of sunglasses, yeah! (you know, and be able to see)
On other, not so fun new, only because the bitch fucked up, I got my hair cut. The reason it’s fucked, because I have really short hair, with a side fringe, which I wanted to stay longer, because it took me for-fucking-ever to get it that length, but it was a little too long for the shortness of the rest of it, and so I let her have at it, and she cut the whole fucking thing off—now, I have a hair do that I have to put more fucking time in than I would picking out clothes for a date (and this is for just around the house) and, more, which is what really pisses me off, is that it’s the hairdressers hair do. Really. Fucked up. More so because I wanted a longer fringe, I told her that a number of times, I like my fringe, I liked it’s length, I wanted less than a fucking centimetre off it, and she cut the entire thing off. Bitch.
Worse I’m stuck this way until it all grows out again, but my hair it’s like a snail and so that won’t happen until I reach month four.
Sorry, really busy day. And it’s getting to me.

And then, because of the amount of shit she put in my hair, after I got the kids home I wanted in the shower to wash the shit out. So there I was in a towel when I had to answer the door, only it was a electricity sales man and he wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
I WAS IN A FUCKING TOWEL, and no matter what he would talk over me and everything. Then when I pointed out this fact he kept me talking for another five minutes on him coming back. I didn’t want what he was selling
“Oh, I know, but this will only take three minutes of your time.”
Really, because as it was we had already been talking for 10. And I was in a towel… that seemed like a pleasant 3 minutes!

Fucked up day. Now I’m gonna have a cup of tea and start reading a book.

Wed: I have to write!
Yeah, cause just saying that to myself is getting it done. Man, it’s like cleaning the house—which also needs doing—if I want it, tell myself to do it, it never gets done.
This really isn’t the career I should be in.

3,255 words:  Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2)
            [Chapter 3; 2,572 words], [chapter 4; 2,861]
  • This one looks as if it’s going to go backwards and forward in time. Yeah, because I’ve always loved those types of books (cue sarcasm) but it seems the way this current is flowing, and we all know, it’s best to go with the flow then fight the current.
  • I changed the books around, putting book 6 in as book 4 because we need what that person brings or it’s going to get a little weird.
  • It’s not looking like this book will be as long as I hoped it would be, though I’m honestly not aiming high, I would have liked to get it to 26,000words but it’s looking like I might fall short.
  • Not really that huge a problem, but it’s a little bit of a shame. Though I have been telling myself from the start, I’ll only write what’s there to be written. This series is to go out as free, if not, than only a little bit of money.
Thurs: my son had a school performance on last night. He’s in kindergarten and so they got up on stage, at 7:40pm and did their performance. My son did well, great really. (I can’t say how proud I am of him, and the next part is of no refection)
It always bethels me that when they get kids up on stage—little kids—6yr olds that they don’t have them learn something big. And I don’t mean, complex, or even something with a lot of move, I mean showy. Something that revolves around jumping around the stage. Last night they had the kids do a hand show, in the dark, under dark blue lights. I have a shit load of trouble as it is seeing. I’m nearly blind when it comes to long distances, so I wasn’t seeing shit. Not that it matter, since it was dark and only a few of them could actually do the whole thing, maybe.
Still. Have them jump around, have them running across the stage, have them do something!

586 words:  Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2)

Mon: so, I did a preliminary read threw of Body of Darkness so that I would be happy with it before I sent it off to Nan to read. I’m not.  Even as I read it I feel as if there’s something I’m not seeing. Something that’s missing that I don’t see.
Maybe even that there are parts that are too jumbled. To forward. Something that’s wrong with the whole book. And it’s a feeling that I have had since I finished the damn thing.
Maybe I just can’t write adult romance? Maybe I should stick to writing teen books?
What if its amore a fact that yeah, it makes sense to me, but would it anyone else? Is that’s what caught me up, the language I used?
Huh…I don’t know, and the only way I’ll figure it out is to give it to Nan, but I’m a nervous, because it’s gonna be crap, I can tell!

290 words:  Hardened Heart (Furies trilogy #1). I started this, along with named the three books in the trilogy. This is another paranormal erotica (or romance) but it’s a lesbian one. And it belongs in the This World That World Universe, which is why it got that title for all of them.

Tue: man….maybe I should get off my ass and clean up my house, maybe that way I won’t have anything to put me off. I just can’t seem to write and it’s actually pissing me off.
429 words:  Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2)

Wed: okay, so tomorrow, the computer is out for me—probably from the end of the week, so no more writing, which really means, I need to put in some double time now. But I can’t seem to….it’s frustrating as hell!!!
So I need to get up off my ass and write….  329 words:  Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2)
--Chapter 5, 1,353 words, a little less meat, but there isn’t more, and to have the next part seem….or to make sense—to me, I have to start a new chapter

Yeah, yeah, I know, shitty writer, I only want to push out a 26,000word book, that should take a week—at the most, right?

 Thurs: Walking a Different Line, 913 words; I’m thinking that this one needs a complete re-write for this one. ‘cause things don’t make sense—like yeah, they do, sorta, but not. If you understand.

Parting words: ‘it’s always what you want the most until it’s left in your hands’ (seems apt)

Ending Paragraph
He didn’t fully get it. Scared out of his mind. For himself, and his lover. Tim should have had a lot of thoughts occupying him from the discomfort of his body. But the itch came and stayed, paining him with a need to itch it.
Forever with my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #2), page 23

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