Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #23

For the HAHAT

The difference a house makes

Last year sometime, we were eating our weekly Macca’s with my sister after school when my son blurts out that he was going to marry his best mate. They have been best friends since Preschools days.

Now other than me and my sister coughing out laugher ‘cause he, like all 6 year olds, just blurted it out. But more so, it was so out of the blue.

Anyway, my sisters says something like: “if that’s what you want.” As I say “okay.”

Now the next day, or was is a couple?, not really the point, anyway I was telling the best mates mum, how I’m friends with, what my kid said. And she said that he told her too, that her boy was going to marry my boy when they got older. Only she sat him down and told him that a man can’t marry a man. That marriage was between a man and a woman. Like yeah, now, in Australia, that’s tragically true, and she’s religious. But still, the difference.   

What I’ve done

·         Mostly I just re-read, fixed-up the short stories and novellas

·         Started a new paranormal series—‘cause I’m not good (sarcastic overlay)

·         Figured out a better meat for one of my single stories

·         Redone my ‘free reads’ page

[Research] What I Learnt

·         Oh! I learnt what an ‘RTF’ file is; now all I have to do is download it, copy my file on to it, finish up my cover letter, and then email it.

Fuck I’m scared.

Yeah, so, I’m hitting myself, and all. I have the email set, I have the attachment and the best I can at a cover letter, but I can’t get myself to press that simple fucking button.

I did. I pressed it. I nearly had to vomit, but chocked it down. I got giddy. My hands shook, and then… it went and told me it failed. So I have to figure out where I fucked up and do all this again.

Thoughts for Thoughts

Love without knowing it

I have made this one different, and maybe, hopefully, something a whole lot better than the normal shit. You know, if I can write it, which isn’t looking hopeful at the moment, as well as if I can pull it all off.

·         My notes for it:

o   It’s going to be about him getting with a guy—maybe he’s already been with him. Maybe he’s a regular hook up or something, and the guy under him has an enlarged prostate, and it’s about them dealing with it.

o   About him helping the guy threw the steps, so I have to see what they do with that, with the breakdowns, the doctors, the fear of what will or won’t happen. And the operation that might have him lose everything, and this man, the player, he’s there, and will be there, ‘cause without knowing it, he’s fallen in love.

·         Whatcha think, would you be interested in reading it?

600w Naming our Werewolf (moonlit wolves #12)

·         It’s as hard as I thought it would be to write a threesome, especially with three males.

·         I feel like writing again. My fingers are twitchy, my minds clogged up, and more so ideas and personalities and notions on how to fix things are leaking outta my ears.

I need to write again. I need to sit down and do it. It’s nearly at the stage of robbing me of being about to speak right. And yet, I can’t seem to do it. I can’t seem to have the time when all I’m doing otherwise is sitting on the lounge flicking threw a book that’s making me want to write more, and yet….

So am I washed out?! Am I just adding this needful stress to other shit that holding me back? Am I making up excuses so that I don’t have to believe this is ended that I’m done.

Anyway, I’m a little nervous, ‘cause now I don’t have a reason not to send off my manuscript. I have to wait til the end of the week, ‘cause I have no connection to the internet until them, which is nerve racking in its own way (I’m a gen Y I need to live—actually that’s not true, I’m actually a really bad gen Y when it comes to the internet, but still, I want it. I need it.) But on that day I actually want to make myself send it off. So between now and then I have to write a cover letter, re-read and fix up my story, and then… yeah.

I also want to re-read all my stories from my blog and have them fixed up, just in case the publisher goes onto that to make a decision about me, then sees all the crappy work I’ve done and decides I’m more work than they need.

I’m scared as hell, and I haven’t even started yet.

Huh, maybe this is why I’m not able to write…?

Re-Read / fix-up files 

·         Loved by a Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #1)    [done] now; 12,340w (6/5)

o   Forever with my Werewolf (#2)         [done] spelled out below (14/5)

o   Seeking my Werewolf (#3)                  [done] spelled out below (18/5)

·         Being that for You (#1)                                   [done] now: 6,258w (8/5)

·         Santa’s Present (AC 12.5)                               [done] now: 2,323w (6/5)

·         Something Wicked Cross His Back (AC21)     [done] now: 1,992w (7/5)

Need to start soon, files (blog stories)

·         Being that for You (#2; Christmas in July)

·         Something Wicked Cross his Back, part 2

It’s kinda interestingly boring

I don’t really want to big note myself, but I’m actually not bad at this whole sex thing.

You know what? I really like #2, but I’m not sure if I have actually done it good. If it’s actually interesting in the whole paranormal side of things, or if it’s really worth anything. I’m not even sure if people will like it.

Second Week

Started a new series, paranormal erotic romance

·         Assassins Union series

o   #1; Hunting a Traitor with Tike, a snow leopard & Quintus a vampire.

o   401 words

Blood and sex is what this series is going to hold. It’s actually me, more than anything else is. And I feel that I may as well, at least, do one this way, see how it goes, rather than with everything else where I pull back that part.

Hell, to me, a lot of the sex scene will make more scene, will fit, and let’s face it; I’m too much of a realist even in my paranormal males. When a man’s hurt, he ain’t getting it up. It’s the facts of law—well, unless that’s what he’s into.

But like a lot of other people, I end up rolling my eyes at sex scene that are delivered in the middle of a crisis, or when the other person is in pain. Like they had to have the sex there, not that the character could care less. And hell, most of the time the story would work a lot better if it wasn’t there anyway. Like, you see is as what it is. A scene purely ‘cause you think it’s gotta be there.

This but, a battle, your adrenaline is high, his is, there’s a connection, there’s lust, there’s a passion that explodes from that, and well… fucking up against a blood tree.

Or am I the only one that finds that hot?!

REREAD Forever with my Werewolf (moonlit Wolves #2)

·         (I probably shouldn’t be doing this if I want to get it published, but, well, I actually find it easier to re-read these things this way)

·         Chap 1: we come into this one with Tim screaming like a bitch ‘cause Colin took him into the woods with his mates and turned into a werewolf (It’s a usual reaction, right?) the he starts running like made through the tree, ending with him falling down a hill onto a main road where a van pulls up and out come the ‘hunters’ they ask if he’s okay, and then they notice Colin the werewolf in the trees, they see Tim as a way to lure the werewolf after they fill him full of led, and so they knock Tim out before putting him into the back of their car.

·         There’s a little bit of Colin in wolf form, but mostly, this story is Tim’s, I really should put Colin in more, but there isn’t anything to this but Tim coming to terms with what Colin is…. Anyway, so Colin is bleeding, on the road, and trying to go after Tim, though he can’t.

·         Chap 2: has a little bit of Tim waking up and then getting knocked out again. This was put in ‘cause I’m not really sure how to streamline past events well. A break and we are in the sunshine as Tim is walking to the letterbox, like he does all the time, for a chance to see the hot guy who runs ‘round this time. He does and then ends up going arse-over-tit making the guy laugh. They meet. They exchange names and then Colin helps Tim back to his house, since he’s hurt his ankle. There’s a bit of Tim being horny and then Colin leaves. 

·         Chap 3: where back in Colin, and he’s a man again. He’s wolf, though is really close, ‘cause it was only the first day of the moon phase. He’s with the boys he lives with as they try to work out were the men would have taken Tim. (I really feel this whole book needs to be re-written, it’s a little shit, and if I’m feeling that, what are you gonna think?) They go for a drive back to the scene of the crime, and then Colin turns unto a werewolf, early, and runs into the trees, looking for Tim.

·         Chap 4: back into the past, only this time we start out there, Tim, his ankle tapes, spotting Colin while he’s in a park with his mate Terry. They talk. And then it just snaps into reality, with us being introduced, slightly, to Craig as he sets up the house for the werewolves, and also how the others treat him. Then into his head again as he seem to realise something about the whole deal. Seem to understand more, maybe. A break. And we are back in the past, where they have their first sex scene. (This is the one that I feel needs to change, and yet, where the scene that should replace it is, well, it sets there really well as well.

·         Chap 5: back to Colin the werewolf. He’s curled up sleepy, ‘cause that’s what happens when its daylight, it’s why they become human again (and you really didn’t need to know that, it’s a ‘read the book’ thing). It then goes into a flashback of him and Tim watching a movie. And then the bad guys walk on by and Colin slinks off unnoticed. A break. And Colin is back, full werewolf mode.

·        Chap 6: were back at Tim (you see how things go with me. I really should probably make my chapters longer, huh?)  He’s tied up to a tree as the bad guys wait in the dark for the werewolves. The werewolves come, but it’s vague, I didn’t want a lot of blood and shit in this series, then he topples into darkness. A break. He wakes up in the arms of a werewolf. A break. Morning, ‘thank god’ sex.

·         Chap 7: they get out of bed and dress. Break. We meet Matt and Jex from book 1. Then they have a little talk, but it’s actually a bit blar, and shit, and I’m not sure it actually makes sense, so I think I’m going to have to re-write this one.

·         Chap 8: Colin walks Tim home, were still in his head. Blowjob. Break. Phone call. Break. Fishing with Terry. Then he has a chat with Terry, kinda falls apart, and shows me yet again what crap little chapters I have

·         Chap 9: we jump straight into one of the kidnappers coming up to Tim and Terry. Shit happens, and then Tim goes threw a panic attack.

·         Chap 10: (it’s not a good thing when you’re glad it’s the last chapter, is it?) where in Colin’s pov it’s just on the cusp of daybreak, he’s back to being human and on his way to see Tim.

REREAD Seeking my Werewolf (moonlit Wolves #3)

·         Prologue: I’m not a fan of these, but I had to have one in (and the real reason I’m not a fan is that most people—the ones I seem to be reading, anyway, are using them wrong, they are really just chapter one, the story just flowing off, no time lapse, or anything. This one has a time lapse. Or more so, it’s going back to chapter 6 from the previous book, only it’s now in Craig’s pov, who was the boy that spoke in that book—you know if you were wondering. He’s waiting for the werewolf at the hut. They come, the house explodes and Craig traps one, only to find he can’t do anything but let him go. And then he walked away.

·         Chap 1: we are still with Craig only it’s been months since they had seen the werewolves. It’s just his head, and telling us that he’s changed the way he’s thinking—it’s a novella, hell, probably more based, a short story, I was getting the angry angst out of the way now, it’s not really proactive and I think it works better when none of it was about Phil. Then there’s a break. Its night, and he’s still with the hunters (he was with them in the above too) but this time there about to break up and go hunting.

·         Chap 2: we are with Phil and it’s nearly time to change so they are all in the woods, only Phil is horny as hell—he jacks off, they talk about what’s up with him. he explains Craig (only he doesn’t know his name). Funny I forgot that I put in the theory of going into heat. I wonder if this is the only time it’s really mentioned, and if it should be something else (though maybe not as needed in this one, but defiantly something I should go into in a later book—I put it into the detail file I have going). These group of boys… they really have no fucking clue what’s going on.

·         Chap 3: back with Craig, and he’s hunting Phil (again, don’t now names), and yet another point to me that shows I need to make my chapters bigger.

·         Chap 4: still with Craig, still hunting—really, nothing’s changed. But in this one after a bit of walking blind in the woods, we meet Phil, in werewolf form, at daybreak, about to start shifting. Yep, really need to lengthen my chapters. For example, these two would work real well together.

·         Chap 5: oh, we are back with Phil. He attacks one of the other hunters. A break. We are back with Craig, ‘cause Phil is hurt, bad (I have a part here that’s not really making enough sense, I’m not sure why though, ‘cause it does, but really doesn’t). Craig patches him up as good as he can under these circumstances we wait for the boys to come get them, and then head back to their house.

·         Chap 6: Phil again, and he’s just waking back up. Craig is there and there’s this bit of explaining about werewolves. [there’s a word; p23, that doesn’t seem to sit right, but I’m not sure if it’s wrong] Phil goes a little crazy with lust.

·         Chap 7: with Craig again, we are still having sex. And yeah, I’m getting that I’ve done one of my biggest no no’s but this also rides hard on what he was like before the night, if I think about it. But still it’s a guy hurt, having sex…?!

·         Chap 8: and apparently I haven’t actually finished this one—who knew. They are eating dinner with the guys, where in Phil’s head. And a feeling just that gets Craig moving, getting his weapons. Break. With Craig again. Then Phil gets sick, it’s from his attack from before. Craig gets angry but has to go save the rest of the guys.

·         Chap 9: Phil has been poisoned. They work to get it out of Phil. Break. Then Craig has to go hunting, the hunters.

·         Chap 10: after so unsettling news, that I would spill, but it’s kinda late in the game, and now, I’m sure you could guess what it is… right? They clean up. Break. We are with Phil again, as he wakes up, again.

Thanks for the time

Me