Saturday, 27 July 2013

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #28

Starting paragraph
Sinking to a crouch in the cramped space. Brad had Kyle’s cock head in his mouth as he ran his tongue around the bottom curve of the plump head as he got his feet organised so that they both fit.
A Werewolf’s Howl (Moonlit Wolves #5) page 20


What I’ve done
·         Writing MW #5
·         Procrastinating (meaning: continue cleaning up my blog)
·         Crapping on ‘bout books past
       Talk about some personal crap

The Short List (of shit I have to do)
·         finish #1 Assassins Union                                working on it, slowly  
·         finish # 5, Moonlit Wolves series                   working on it, aggressively    
·         Something Wicked Cross his Back, part 3      been think bout
·      Being that for You #3                                     

Promises and compromises
·         My partner wants me to get a job. He feels that it will bring in more money—I say he’s full of shit.
·         You see, as an Aussie we have a good welfare thing going on. Like, yeah, it could be a shit load better, but then we could also stop bitching a get a job.
·         Anyway, the problem with that is that there really wouldn’t be any better income in our house.
·         For starters, yeah, if I worked a 9-5 job mon-fir, we would bring in a lot of money (no, but more than what I get a week), only we would be spending a shit load more in before and after care for the kids.
o   Yeah, I could work nights, but up here, where I live most of them are for supermarket jobs that I just can’t do anymore without putting more damage on my body then I already have being a checkout chick.
·         Third, I could work shorter days, but where’s the extra money from that?
·         I could work weekends—again, there’s no way I would be making more money than we are already getting a week. It’s just not reasonable.
·         So the compromise. If I can write my whole series out by the end of the year, then I can stay at home and do this for a living.
·         If I can’t, I’ll go find a job and have this as a fun diversion between that and being with my family.
o   Yeah, it also, kinda shows, how much I really don’t wanna a job, so please buy my books, it will help even more on the not having to go outside my house for work!!

Thoughts for Thoughts
2,918w Werewolf’s Howl (MW #5)
·         this one seems to be more about Brad, sorry, especially if your more of a Kyle fan—and I am, but for some reason this seems to be more Brad story.
·         I’m struggling a little to get to the point I need. It’s frustrating as hell.
1.      It seems I’m talking a whole heap of shit, which isn’t the first time it’s happened, and even though I know I’m doing it, and that I should probably take it all out, since it’s a little like I’m just filling space—which I kinda am—I like it. A little showing of what a group of people in a pub would be up to. But, then again, I think its shit and just wanna scrap it. But what am I meant to put there instead, it’s not like there’s much to say. Or more so, the plan for that night was gonna be though when it came up to it….
[Chapter 5: 3,028w]
2.      Changed the end of this chap: 115w was replaces with 236w
·         Hum… it doesn’t seem that I’m doing well today. Whenever I think about the story, all I seem to think is that I pushed the sex too quickly. There it was a bing bang thankyou ma’am kinda thing, and that annoys me in stories. It’s like I feel there isn’t enough to see that quick shift. But I know there is.
2,356w wrote tonight
·         I feel as if I’ve gone into minute details that isn’t necessary, but I can’t seem to make it clear without it all. Really, I just think I wrote a whole lot of crap. Like a chapter worth of nothing.
[Chapter 6: 2,139w]
·         Have to do a sex scene, only I’m still not sure what’s going to accompany it. Them resolving the history, or them fucking ‘cause they’ve just woke up and they have that weak arsed mate pull I have (really, I’m bad at the alpha shit) and then have him storm out ‘cause of something insensitive? Or…
1.      Yeah, see my point?! I’m just not sure
84w wrote this avo
·         I gotta do a fucking sec scene only I’m clearly not in the slightest of moods which means I just don’t wanna write one at all. Great. If the pap smear wasn’t enough now I’m being cock blocked by my own brain. Yeah!
1.      Scrapped what the above words
2,593w added
·         Man, I’ve rambled so much I think I’ve stopped being interested in the sex there getting ready to have. Maybe I should take a break and pick this up later.
1.      Or maybe, I’ll give have to clean it up with I re-read it, see if it’s true or not.
[Chap 7: 2,561]
1,142w this time round
·         Huh… wow. That’s was defiantly interesting...
·         Fuck… 1 thousand words—a panic attack. Shit. Sometimes…. It’s best not to be able to do that sort of thing, than to be able to pull on off without using the word ‘panic attack’. Would have been easier for me if I had. But we wouldn’t have gotten half the gossip without it.
·         I really hope you feel it like I did. Or at least, get the drill of what I’m feeling.
1,381w later that day
[chap 8: 2,524w]

Moonlit Wolves #4
·         I’ve been in a kink mood (which means Kim Dare and Sean Michael’s—though more towards her. Did you know, Michael’s sure seems to like fisting?! Pretty fascinating, and in a good way)
·         Not the point, but I’m a rambler and as I wait for the internet to set itself back up and gonna tell you what’s come out of it.
·         I hate book 4 it’s not a secret, I think even if I manage to get it to a point that I’m actually happy with I’ll still hate it. it’s a problem with both characters—one it’s defiantly trying not to fall into the past me, ‘cause I don’t want that person back. and the other is Eamon—but why?
I’d really like to turn around as say some bullshit ‘bout the fact that I want to be a dom, or I want to sub, but I know what I like when it comes to sex. I’m an equal lover. I have to be equal with my companion, I can’t stand Alpha’s, that’s just setting up so many fights I just couldn’t be fucked with, and I feel that I’m a little to inclined to that way that we just clash, like blood and gore clash. Though I can get along with them, if I’m not stuck in the same room for too long. I also can’t have men that are soft, or need to be lead.
I’m full and honestly the ‘who ever starts this shit up leads’ mind frame when it comes to sex. And it works for me and my partner ‘cause we are both that. Were happy to lead and were okay with lying on our back and taking that shit.
Yeah, maybe a little too much, I think I’m even blushing a little while writing this, but it’s nothing I wouldn’t say to your face within the first five mins of meeting me if you asked the right questions. I have no shame when it comes to sex, though I’m quite visual which makes talking about it a little flustering—hell, I wanna wake my defacto up and have at it. but, alas, I’ll most likely have to go plastic if I want something good (and let’s face it, I’m tired as shit, it’s just easier going solo when he’s out cold from a long day’s work—by the by its 11:20pm here)
·         Now, I’m in a kink mood, and book 4 is meant to be there, but I know I did a shit arsed job, I think a lot of it’s ‘cause I just wasn’t sure so I shied away from what it should have been. And the book just pissed me off so I finished it without going into their relationship. But I feel that if I don’t fix it it won’t sell, but more so nothing else after that will.
·         So here’s what I’ve decided to do.
1.      I’ve printed it out. I feel this is the best way for this book. That two and I’ll be able to fix up a lot of the mistakes that I can see, and have learnt (there’s isn’t much) from the first book being done, that I can get that out of the way in one hit. Make it a little easier for whoever fixes it up.
2.      Find out where things need to be added. I don’t actually want to write the book again I just want to add that personal points to it that I feel I have missed, and I think this is a good way to do that, since as I read it I can tell where it starts to bore the shit out of me, and when that happen, well, it’s gonna happen for you, so I’ll add, I put in their personal stuff.
3.      But lastly it will give me the opportunity to remind myself that it’s my own personal feels that have me hating this book, not the book itself. I didn’t give a half arsed attempt I just feel something off about it that I can fix, and that I need to fix and so that’s what I’m planning on doing now.
§  By the way, I have already done like five pages and have a little bit of nit picking that I’m going to have to fix. Pretty bad, since I know for a fact I wouldn’t have seen them before that first editing. I’m not sure if it’s ‘cause I’m open to that honest criticism, since I’m shit at this whole writing thing (at least the words, I feel I do good with the story) and I’m acceptable to learning and retaining what I need far more than I originally thought I would be—or was.
§  After I do this one, I’m thinking of printing out the other two and doing that as well before they head off. Though I’m still not sure what the hell’s going on. Will my first one come out before the second goes into editing.
§  It’s getting annoying ‘cause I can’t really start promoting me until I get the idea of when its coming out. Or the cover, or just something that will move me along.

Thanks for the time

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