On Friday, I did a post because I was having trouble
thinking. My head was a mess, and that post would have been a shit load worse
if it wasn’t for the fact that I wrote the bottom half a few days before it,
but as you can tell, maybe, it would have been shit anyway. But I didn’t bother
re-reading it before it went up like I probably should have.
Anyway, the thing is that over the last 2 weeks (has
it only been two weeks?) I have had many things put on me. None that should
have mattered in any way (really they are crap reasons) but they clogged up my
head and I couldn’t sort it out.
You seem at the moment I’m waiting on 5 books to be delivered.
Yeah, nothing new there, though it has been awhile since I’ve gotten
paperbacks. But I read my manga in paperback, only really, and so I ended up
having a bit of money and I splurged.
Now, last week, I got book 15&16 of Bleach, you
think this wouldn’t have been a problem, just read them, right. well, I did
with the first one, since they didn’t come together, and it made me want them
even more, so I stupidly said to myself that I would wait for the other ones to
read the next.
Makes sense, I know, that’s why I thought it.
With that first lot, I also got vol. 3&5 of The
Betrayal Knows My Name, but this one’s a little different, since it has been so
long since I read the first two I decided that I needed to read them again
before I started the new ones, and I did. Only I’m stuck at the ‘should I wait’
part of my again.
Like really, how unfair is it to be given two books
in a series, but your waiting for 3 and that 3rd on happens to be the middle
book?
Then, my thoughts on writing are like this. Since I’ve
written 5 books in a series, I felt that it was enough to start, that if they
moved quickly I can get writing on them again. But that I should stop and head
over to some of my other WIPs, because having more around will get me notice
more. And then you’ll buy, or more people will buy my books. Which means it
will be worth doing this, and I won’t have to get a ‘real’ job.
That would be a big
plus for me.
You see I don’t care if I never get awards, or
become super popular with what I write, all I want out of it, is to make
writing books a life time career, which to me, I need to get as many as I can
out while I can, and then as I’m noticed, as people buy me, and I get a
following of some degree, I can slow things down, write what you guys like of
mine.
You know, this is assuming I’m any good.
Still, at the moment I’m on a pause.
It’s not a block, it’s a pause. I’ve got the ideas,
there creating worlds of their own inside my head. My fingers are twitching, my
mind is swirling, but more so, I want to write and haven’t be able to. When I’m in front of the page,
littered with shit written down, and plot ideas and questions I need to answer.
But I don’t know how to. I don’t know the answers and I can’t find them.
But it’s more than that. It’s a new story and I have
no one to talk to about it.
You see, I’m not sure I have a muse or not. People
talk about them, and it’s a little confused by who they are (is it a voice from
the story? is it someone from the outside, that gives your ideas? Is it…?) Though
it doesn’t really matter, ‘cause it’s there thing not mine.
I just get ideas, something they come from my own
mind. From nowhere. Something’s from things I started to write will create
something different. Sometimes from things, I’ve read that snowball, and
cannonball, until they twist ‘round and become something completely different.
My place to think—my epiphany place, is the shower. Hell,
I’d probably get it from swimming too, ‘cause I get them sometimes when I’m
washing the dishes. I think it’s just a water thing. I’m crazy ‘bout water.
Not the point, so I don’t consider myself to have a
muse, though I’m sure I have one like everyone I just don’t see it as that.
I do, however, have a story board, and that is my
sister. She’s an awesome lass, really, love her to bits. I’m sure one day me—Mrs
McGee will become this for me, but my sister is it for me. She’s willing to
listen to all the crap that comes out of my head. What’s better, she get me,
she understands the jumping quality of my brain, and she also holds a lot of
smarts and perspective, and helps me see things I’m not able to. Things that
are too far away, or are covered by my tunnel of what I want to story to be.
Really she’s the reason that my stories are bigger
than they are, because she makes me see those things. She helps me with the
points that might be missed because I’m too close to the story. She’s the one
that plugs the holes and helps me create possibilities that I wouldn’t ever
think of, because there not me. There not the type of person I am. And more so.
They aren’t anything I would ever think of.
She’s got more of a romantic in her, though she
doesn’t care for making love. Were I’m a fuck’em hard, or leave ‘em, type of
person. I don’t see the point in dinners or date nights, it’s all to structure
for me.
We think the same, and yet we don’t, or maybe it’s
more, she just understands me and at the moment she’s on holidays in Korea
before going to Japan (they’ve been there before) her and her boyfriend are the
itchy feet type. Want to travel the world, and all that, so she’s away for 6
weeks leaving my here, stuck with new stories I want to write but feeling that
I’ve got things missing with it. Not that I’m missing research I can’t find,
who cares, I’d move on, make it a different one. One that doesn’t need things I
can’t find. But I can’t, I’m stuck, I’m waiting for something and I wasn’t sure
what the hell that way.
Anyway, my soundboard is gone on holidays. And though
I miss her because she just isn’t here, and we have a standard weekly meeting,
and she’s just not been here. but it’s more, it’s finally smacked me in the
back of the head how much I need her while I write, or before I start writing. How
much she helps me.
Like, yeah, I’m sure I can actually write them fine
without her, or anyone, but there better from the start because all the kinks
are straightened out before my fingers hit the keyboard, and I like that, it
makes for a cleaner story.
Though you might not see it as being that clean—shit,
does that mean I’m gonna lose any reader out there that I need their books
written a certain way? Like completely gramma wise, because you truly ain’t
gonna have that with mine, I just don’t write that way. And my characters certainly
don’t talk, think, or act that way.
It’s a thought I need to hold close, ‘cause it’s
probably going to be the thing bitched at the most.
Hopefully people will understand before they finish the
first book. And it won’t be a problem to them overall.
Here’s hoping.
I’m also very Aussie, and my books reflect that, and
I’m not gonna change it, why should I?
I’m proud to be me!
Lost the point.
I miss my sister, she needs to be here so I can
start my next book, but ‘cause I realised this I emailed her my plot line and
she looked it over, and when she got back to me, she talked more about the
female in the equation—she said that the romance between the boys would be
good, because as he was probably in love with the teacher, or something like
that, plus the baby, but I had that sort of things going. I had the two MCs
down pact. What my sister gave me was the teacher. And why she’s go crazy? What
she’d do when she came back. she gave me a point in the story that I hadn’t
actually thought about ‘cause even though she’s there, she’s not actually the
point.
But she’s a big point, and thanks to me sister, it’s
made me feel as if I can actually write it.
Anywho, that was a long ramble, and I feel light for
it
Thats if you made it to the end
Till next time…
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