Monday 24 February 2014

A Bit of Clarity

I’ve been thinking about myself a lot over the last couple of years. Thinking on the parts of my personality I like, don’t like, and the reasoning’s behind a lot of the things I did and still do.
One of the thoughts I have is this fact that I don’t get upset when people don’t listen to me.
Okay, so I’m sure it’ll help to have some background, right.
Well, I’m a talker. If left unchecked I can go on and on until I’m repeating myself because there just isn’t anything else to say. Or more so, because I wasn’t even listening to myself while I spoke and forgot I’d said all this shit in the first place.
My sister likes to say I’m like that because I’m three conversations in front of myself, which makes it difficult for people to keep up with me unless they know me, or I’m being very good and paying attention to what’s coming out my mouth.
I hate having to do that.
Anyway, I’m not sure why this thought even came up, I guess I was ignored one time and my brain actually clicked, and said, “hey, why isn’t this bothering you?!”
Now, when thinking about my own self, the thoughts are much more fluid than with anything else, I’m not in a rush to figuring this shit out, just thought on it, puzzled a little, and when I get the answer, bang, it’s there again, front centre in my mind.
So, my son has gotten this personality trait from me. He’s a talker, it’s hopefully the only one he’ll get, but man can he talk, I’m thinking if it wasn’t for the 20 year age gap he’d have over spoken my word count by now (at least I’d like to think so, but clearly…it’s be a tie)
It became very pronounced when he turned 7 and got his sarcasm chip turned on. He’s a sarcastic bugger.
So, moving on, the other day we went to my sister’s house because mum was getting her second dose of Chemo and…anyway, we went down there, and we were sitting in the lounge room watching something, and as the show went on, my son, with a book in his lap kept on talking.
We didn’t notice, one minute the tv was everything, the next my sister tuned in to my son just to see what was what and discovered he was talking. Just chatting away to her boyfriend who also wasn’t listening to him.
Now, this made everything click. It’s not really a point of the fact that no one was listening to me. No, I don’t seem to mind, if the point of talking is to just talk, rather than something that needed to be said. I have never been ignored when something important is coming out my mouth.
It’s just it though, I would have gone my whole life with people turning in and out of my rambles to a point that in general I just chat to the world as a hole and if you want in you can jump and have your own say.
I learnt from such a young age that it wasn’t because of me that no one was listening it was because I wasn’t really saying anything.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I made any sense at all, but then how often do I when I’m just chatting.
So, hoping to finish book 6: Rub of a Werewolf this week, but we’ll see how things turn out.
 it’s just recently accrued to me that one of the other reasons that I might be having a block is because I’m waiting for the 1st of March to get my rejection letter from the anthology I submitted a short story for.
And I do think the rejection will come because I wasn’t sure from the beginning if this was the type of story they were looking for, or if it’s relevant or any good.
Anyway, I think I’ll be so shocked it they do accept me, which I feel is highly unlikely, and when I do get it, I’m going to start the story up again, only I’m going to write the thing out as a novella instead of the short it is.

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