Harder than I Thought

This whole publicising myself is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

It’s not that I lack the understanding on how to do it. It’s more that I have a problem with not thinking people care about what I have to say.

Which is true, and so completely wrong it’s not funny.

But I’m a no one until my book actually gets published, and until I have a cover, or an idea on when I’m about to be published, then maybe I’d be willing so say you’ll blink twice in my direction. As I am now, I’m nothing but a name and a happy smile on my face because I’ve signed a contract.

It’s not that I don’t understand the whole thing (publicising, that is, I jumping back—that’s me, in the flesh). You get people talking. You do this, you do that. You make friends. You talk to, about, comment, engage.

I get all this. I do. But as a person that has live a life of dumbness, for no better a word, I find that now, even though I’ve risen from that past, and used my own weakness to an advantage in something I couldn’t even imagine I’d be able to do, but, five years ago.

It’s hard, putting myself out there, with my own voice.

Still…

They say ‘make it your own’ but what I seem to be having the most trouble in, is changing my reviewing blog into an author one.

I know I should have just left that old one as it was, and created a new blog from my name. and in all honesty I should have, at least, that way it would have forced me to make this something different.

‘Cause, if I wanted to review, well, I could go over there and do it.

But I don’t want to leave what I once was behind. I don’t even want to change what I already have going for this blog. I like doing things with books. And in all honesty I have only reviewed a handful (small one too) of books this year.

It seems I’m stumbling on the thing that needed to change the most.

This is an author blog—so where the fucks the author?!

So, I have to change some things, right. I have to turn it all around, make this something different. Post more from my own thoughts, regularly.

But, alas, these thoughts aren’t new. I’ve been having them since I started to really thing about getting published.

I have to show myself. Help you see who I am.

Push myself into a public eye.

*even know, just thinking it, makes my inside revolt*

I’m shy. Yeah, I can talk a lot, but very rarely do I make sense. it’s the unfortunate side effect of being a creator—a writer, when you lake the proper ability with literary.

Meaning: I can create a story—but can you understand a word that I’m saying?

I know that both are true, now, since I’ve gotten a contract.

Then add in the depression, but, hell, isn’t that a requirement (so I’ll stop using it as an excuse for my shaking hands)

I’m losing track of what I was saying.

This is my first attempt at turning myself from reviewer (which I have never felt comfortable calling myself), into an author.

I hope you come and join me on discovering what I have to offer. even if for a lark (I used that right, right?)

Thanks for your time

(hell, this should change to, it’s so…telemarketing)

Bronwyn