Wednesday 9 April 2014

First Quarter –A History of Me

I was actually going to do this a lot different but as it’s on my mind I have noticed the simple little things that have change in the last couple of days that has changed how I thought of my own writing even a week ago.
Then I went on fb, as any person would, asked a question, and was answered in a way I wanted to be answered so that I could do what I wanted and write it this way instead of the other, lol
My history as a published author started at the end of May in 2013 when I submitted Loved by a Werewolf to extasybooks, and within days got a contract for the series. But if I’m honest and why not at this point, my career started back in 2007 with the conception (ha, but it’s true) of my daughter and the start of my love affair with reading.
I know I came into the game late, but quite honestly, I couldn’t read what I do now back, well, even 5 years before that. I struggled hugely with the written word and therefore my thought process was more suited to  waiting for the movie to come out.
But when my daughter was born I had made a pledge not to watch crime shows because my eldest was about to turn 2 and he was coming to the age where those things matter, so reading was the next place to turn.
The first book I ever read all the way through (other than the Baby Sitter Club, little sister series) was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and I’m telling you this so you might understand a little better, I tried to read it before the movie came out and I couldn’t. it wasn’t until I watched, and was utterly disappointed in the movie that I pushed myself to finish it, and then the next and then… I’m guessing you get the point.
The Harry Potter series done I needed something else, needed another series to read and love, and so entered Twilight.
Man… I can’t say I loved the book for the contents, though I don’t hate them and often want to go back and have a little re-read. but Twilight will always be one of the best book alive because as I read the first chapter, of the first book my mind was clicking, and turning and telling me I could do this, easily.
And so it started.
I first started to write a book, that I then changed and turned and then I used the original to write another. Which will probably never see the light of day.
They were all YA heterosexual, as is, I suppose common.
I would like to say that the mm genre came to me as a reader before it did as a writer and though I knew it was out there in a way I didn’t know how big it was, or what brilliant books were in it. In other words, I was still a babe in the woods as I waited for that moment where I finally realised what was out there.
I wrote three short stories, erotica, honestly, they are sex scenes, the ff was the longest, and written within an hour, the mm again a piece of cake but the mf, well, I still haven’t finished it. They were written because of the series under this part, just to see if I could.
It was a series I wrote that really pushed the point on me. It made me realised that I didn’t want to write straight m/f, I needed something more.
Book 1 to 3 were mf, book 3 mm, book 4 mf with the male being a transvestite, 5 mmf, 6 ff, and yeah, they’re the ones I can remember, I had 8 books set up for this series, and I can honestly say more than not the couples were not going to be flat out straight.
(note: I had these characters set up before I ever read anything like them)
Charismas 2011 I wrote Loved by a Werewolf, I posted it on my blog and no one read it. but then it really did suck back them, obviously good enough to get picked by a publisher as I didn’t change anything from that original copy to the one that I sent, but I really need an editor.
I was reading mm pretty much exclusively by then and going through a stage where I’d run to the end of reading paranormal because every book I read pissed me off a little more. and so the series I’m writing now came to mind.
And here I am.
It took a long time to get published. Mostly because I was scared of putting myself out there and so I wrote and wrote and was nearly finished book 4 before as I read up on publishing companies and what authors were saying in the world, to make sure I go accepted where the series needed to me.
I got a contract in May 2013 but didn’t get published till January 2014, which became more and more frustrating as the months went by, because no one told me anything. I’d gone through editing with all for book before December, I believe, and then I waited. Thoughts came to mind that I was obviously going to be published the next year as I had four books sitting with them so and none of them had a Christmas feel so publishing them in Jan would make sense.
But honestly I don’t know the reasons they were held off so long, not that I’m complaining because as I waited for it to happen an idea came to mind of self-published a short sweet, simply story to get out there before I’m published. Because as a reader, when I find new authors I will always swing more to their free stuff, see if there writing style works for me before I spend money on them.
My Kevin is perfect for that. it’s NA simply because it put it out of content locks in Smashwords which means you’ll find it even if you forget to unclick the ‘child lock’ option, and I felt that was important.
In all truths it hasn’t been easy, emotionally, and even physically when my depression ate me up due to the added stress. Its not something I’ve hidden, and if you back read me just a mouth you’ll see I’ve been quite open with all the feeling and points about the months that I’ve lived through—hell, I’m sure I’ve spoken of all this more than once (but this will be the last, hopefully, I am a repeater). But I came into this career with option of how I’d present myself. How I should, how I shouldn’t, and lots and lots of other advice that other authors have shared, and it allowed be to make decisions about things before I was published and I feel they make me less wishy washy because before I started I had an idea of who I was going to be. What me I was going to show the world, and how much of that was needed, and I feel what I’ve decided is the best and hope in time you’ll all see it too.
Not that you know what I was like before, but…well, ok, so I’m me, I haven’t really held anything back, and for me that’s a point, I often did growing up, made myself what others wanted, or needed me to be. This me, it’s me, and that’s important and something I don’t ever want to lose.
Facts are I’m grateful for all the advice, because even though I never thought this was going to be easy. that I was going to be the best things out there and people were going to flock to buy me, I didn’t know half as much back then, even two years ago as I did while watching Silver publishing crumble around the owners ears.
But at the end of these three months and I still high-spirited? Am I still happy with the decisions I’ve made, with the fact that I bothered in the first place?
I am overjoyed at the pride that has come from my family and friends as they brag (mostly my dad, oh boy does he brag) about what I’ve done.
I am proud of myself for what I have done and for the fact that I have learnt so much in such a little time that I know in three more months I’ll have learnt even more.
I love the community that I have joined and I couldn’t be more happy about that, because my life wouldn’t be half as interesting without it, and without me needing to push myself, to join groups and to interact with people, and to just join fb, I wouldn’t have known half of it. Because it’s not something I would have done without the push.
I’m not saying that I’m not social or that I don’t like to talk because that would be a huge lie. I love interacting with people, but I’m more of a face to face person, and because of my struggles with words—with spelling I felt the self-conscious need to never put anything in posts because I might spell something wrong.
But you know what I found? People didn’t give a fuck. I don’t have horrid spelling but it’s not the best, I know this, and no one gives a fuck. And to someone like me that’s the most beautiful gift anyone could give me and no one honestly knows there doing it.
I am grateful for all the emotions that I have felt and for the fact that I’ve spelt them all out because it has shown me that I do feel, and that I have improved on my own personality since I was a teenager, which is awesome.
These months have proven to me that I can do this. That I have something worth doing and worth showing and that, well, how worse can it get from here.
I am just so happy even as my guts are twisted up as I worry about how the next book will go. Will I get published again? Will another company take my work?
I am full of joy even as I read as person after person tell me I suck (no one has actually said that) because I have a light. I have people who have liked what I’ve written. I have touched people with something I wrote, and that’s good enough, that’s enough to allow me to dust off the crap and keep on going.
Now, in saying that I’m off to finish off this series so I can start something else. Because I really need to focus on something else.

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