Tuesday 23 June 2015

In Reality

I’m not sure if you know this about me, but I’m very okay, or more so proud of myself for being able deal with the world knowing my mistakes. I think this comes from those moments in primary school when I got every word wrong on a spelling test in the years the teacher would make you stand up as they gave us our scores.

As well as when in High school when they made us read segments out of the book we were, well, reading as a class. I’d tell them I couldn’t do it, they wouldn’t believe me and I’d prove them the fuck wrong—the worse is it wasn’t a point on my part, I honestly tried my hardest.

This is another one of those moments. Now I see it I’m mortified of what I have done, of what I have put out there for the public without realising it.

I have excuses, I have reason why I didn’t see it, or that I saw it in a different light and I think the people who helped me also saw it in that light because they know me, know my writing. and how I am, at least enough, that they read it in the way I wrote it, not in the way everyone would read it.

That, or they didn’t want to rock the boat, but honestly don’t believe that as I’ve had the boat rocked on me, lol.

Last Tuesday I learnt what was wrong with My Outside My Inside—finally. I honestly should have just scrap this book and forget I ever saw it. It’s been nothing but trouble, and yet I love the idea behind it. I want it out there, so I will forge on

The problem is that, in reality, the book seems to say that I’m all for paedophilia which I’m not, in any way, which needs to be said, because I’m not. The whole point of the books was… anyway, it’s done, and now, finally I understand and so I went in a stripped the books off all that.

Which means the whole story changes – okay, so it doesn’t as the base of the story was never about the back-story, it was about his mental health, but you need to work with me here.

Anyway, I stripped it and built it back up and what I got was an effing amazing idea for a series.

But let’s talk the actually book

First up, now, his abduction takes places at an older age, and there’s no sexual part to the ordeal. To be honest I didn’t remember putting in as much detail into the backstory as I had so that makes things harder for me when I try to wonder what I did wrong. Maybe I should have ACTUALLY read it, in appose to skimming it.

You think you know your own story, but you don’t.

Hell, maybe I was purposely not seeing it. Who knows, maybe it just got missed with all the other bullshit I’ve had to deal with from this story. I forgot and now I’m fixing, easy.

The backstory has changed, it hasn’t done anything to the structure of the tale itself, but more so I think it’s probably changed it entirely

It’s also given me, well…I have decided the story I originally releases is scrapped. I will rewrite—I HAVE rewritten it and it’s heading into editing, and one I know will do an actually job editing the fucking thing. and I’ll re-release it as something new, and yet old, obviously, not going to pretend I didn’t fuck up, it’s not in my to not do that, look at this post, I take what I did wrong and I accept it and I change it.

I will put it back out there with everything the same accept completely different, you’ll know, I’ll make sure to label it a brand new version.

At the end of it all, tho, this will be IT, this will be the whole thing done and I will not touch it again, if anything the only time it will be mentioned again is when I write a sequel to the bloody thing. which I’m hoping will come out next January, as I like the idea of having one sci-fi to begin each year

But we’ll see, I’ve got a lot to write at the moment as I get myself ready for 2016 so at the moment anything could happen.

Though as of right now I feel better about everything then I have in months, and that is something I hope to hold onto.

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