Saturday 8 December 2012

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #12

Starting paragraph
He had become quite good at silent tears. They had also been his last.
Seeking my Werewolf (moonlit wolves #3) page number

First up, I would like to apologise for the last post. It’s actually a tribute to how fucked up my head was from the cold that I messed it up so bad, and didn’t fill in everything that was meant to be filled. So, sorry, I’ll do better.
And spell check seems to be messing a little with my words, I’ve noticed, Chickenshit seems to be losing its ‘en’, which is weird. I write it, I swear.
Anywho, on with the show

What I’ve done
(Here’s what’s on the table for the fortnight)

The book
What I’m hoping
Word count of the week
Seeking my Werewolf
1,490 / 7,140w
Wish you a Wolfy Christmas
Chap 2
Done!!! / 1,931w

What was throw in
Word count
Remembered Pain (forgotten pain #2)

The Excuses
·         Its cause I’m waiting for Bleach to come in. (first few days)
Yeah I got it, I got them!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!!
·         Heat Wave!!! I’m kinda excited because we haven’t had this kind of hot for over five years. Not a heat that’s been said to stay. I’m hot and sticky—fucking humidity and old scars aren’t dealing with it.
39 degrees in the west, though I live in the mountains just past them, so we dropped a couple of degrees.

I spit out a lot of shit in this one, so… be warned.

Thoughts for Thoughts
Book 6 in Moonlit Wolves; Picturing my Werewolf
·         Deciding that Luke is going to be a tattoo artist. Though straggly shy. He has to be shy, that’s how I see him. That’s how he feels, inside my brain.  Maybe not quite shy, but that shadow kind of man.
·         Hmm…big, awkwardly comfortable in his skin, deep brown eyes, floppy mid brown hair. Muscles. Permanent shadow dusting his jaw. Colourful display inked into his skin. Thick metal pierced randomly (okay, no so, but, yum). Nothing special man, with the body of a biker and the heart of an artist.
Whatcha think? workable?
·         Also, on a different note, I’m going to have to put Matt and Jex up against the wall a fucking lot. More so I’m going to have people walking in on them. Either staying and watching or leaving, it’ll be a mood thing.

Sun: okay, so I’ve decided that I would turn something into another series, mostly because I’ve got another story with it. But I might love to watch crime, but I don’t think I’m smart enough to write crime. Doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try. And it’s seems mostly the concepts have come into my minds, even the plot, really,…
·         I’m calling it the Forgotten Pain series (could turn into a trilogy)
o   At the moment, I was swinging for Adult Contemporary Mystery (romantic inclinded)
·         Book 1, A Bloody Path
o   This one is about a boy whose father was murdered by a serial killer that got away. I originally had the thought that it would be in his own home and him, as a kid, walked in and found his father’s body.
o   He became a cop, though again, I’m a little up in the air about this, and having this second book come up, I... Okay, I still not sure.
·         Book 2, Remembered Pain
o   This is about a kid who was raped at the age of ten. Twenty years later his attacker is free.
·         They…yeah, everything is still up in the air. But book one and two will them separately, well, defiantly book 1, and at first I feel that I will probably just start it as a trilogy and see how it works. That will make it easier on me, right?
Hell, just not thinking and getting obsessed with something else
926 words, above

Tue: my head is empty of words and filled to the brink with nothing. my fingers are aching to talk, with nothing to drive them. I’m lost in wanting to so something I’m unable to think of. I’m waiting, I’m obsessive, and it’s helping nothing.
Shit, I want to write, but I can’t seem to find the words.

Thurs: I was reading one Stephani Hecht blog about how authors are writing MM erotica because that’s where the money is. It’s not because that’s what they choose to think. Then she went on with a list of things that she wished she didn’t have to worry about because her son was gay. Honestly most of them she would be worrying about no matter what, they were about him being safe and coming home at night.
That’s there no matter what preference your children are. No matter whom they are, and no matter who their friends are. Honestly I would be more worried with a hetro son if he hung around with older guys. Because they don’t think about the dangers whereas homosexuals are always, a little, on edge about whose around them, and where they are. At least the smart ones, but if your kids dumb, you have more worries then you think.

Saying this, I wanted to put it out there that I write it because it’s in my head. Because it fits for me. It….feels right to me to write it.
And I can say for certainty that it isn’t for money, since I don’t really care that much about the money, I don’t care if I don’t make a living off this, as long as people are reading it.

Still, I worry that maybe you think I’m picking this for money, for something to play with for something that I don’t believe in, that I am choosing for no reason but….
I have never thought about sexuality.
I have never thought anything of it. I have never cared who you fuck. I can’t even remember if at school that was a problem, nor did I just not hear it because I didn’t care. I didn’t see what wasn’t important to me. Or was it not there?

Still, writing mm is something I can’t help but do. I think I would have even if I didn’t crash into the genre and fell in love.
I am even more certain that this is true because when I was starting out my Warrior Brethren series. When I was working it all out. When the plot started to show, Cad and Daniel were there. First they were going to be three, mmf, but that didn’t fit, so walla, mm. that was before I came into the world a little more. That was before I even started reading it.
You can ask my sister-in-law, though she was nodding that I should put a female in. she’s what some comedian said, and I haven’t been able to get out of my head. She’s Aussie open. “nah mate, I’m cool with you being gay, got no problem at all, ain’t homophobic in the least—just don’t touch me man!”
(this is not saying Aussie’s aren’t or are homophobic, just it’s what this comedian said and its stuck)

Still, I don’t want you all to think I’m writing this for some other reason than because its there. Because I’m more comfortable writing it.

One last this about Ms. Hecht that I’ve wanted to say for a while now. Her books are all about now. There are a lot of specific movies, song, game, fashion hits that are all about the now. Her books won’t live long, because they will become outdate. It’s something I try my hardest to not use. I’m not sure if I do it well.

Wrote 1,769w (chap 2) in Wish you a Wolfe Christmas (Moonlit Wolves #4.5) (man its lame but still making me smile)
·         It’s really hard to write about so many people in the one stop, especially since there stories and their personalities are becoming more defined in my head and it’s confusing to see whose who and where they should be.
·         This one is looking like it’s going to be the fullest of sex out of them all. I think it’s because of the ‘why’ that I’m writing it. But it’s not like I have any major storyline for the tale, just a bunch of mates having Christmas together.
o   Maybe I should find a plot…..
o   I’m sure it’ll just come to me when it’s ready
Yeah, this one is looking like it’s a book with nothing but sex.
            Shit I can’t remember if Jex was circumcised or not….yes he is!!
·         Another chapter, another sex scene done.

Fri: ~Christmas shopping~
So what is it with a males height being 6”3’ plus??? This problem that is running around is annoying me as swiftly as gravity on women. Or they rather optimistic views on how they look when a paragraph before they were bitching.
Does it mean that I have to make my men that tall? ‘Cause they aren’t, and probably never gonna be, unless that’s a point.
Even worse when they make a nanny very manly—Its unbelievable. Point: my partner is 6’2” tall 2m across the shoulders. He loves children and when he was growing up he wanted to do something in that area, but he didn’t. Hell, I’m sure he could have, but as he saw it, and a lot of people, he looked too rough to look after children. Also, most women don’t want a man, especially a man looking like that looking after their children, not in a nanny sense, not it a childcare (preschool) sense.

Sun: Sitting here, in front of the computer. V8’s on the tell, there last Holden vs. Ford, and out of all the sports there are (yeah, I know it’s not really a sport) this is the one I can tolerate without copious amounts of alcohol. Still, I could live without it.
Though not the point.
Really, see, it’s already a rambling, where not in for a great night.
Still, I’m here, sitting, wanting to write. Wanting to do something with my fingers, with the voices in my head, with the ideas. But I just…..can’t.

Moonlit Wolves series
·         Anyway, can’t write in chap 3 (book 4.5), because I need a CD of songs, or more so the lyrics. Like yeah I’d love the album, but….shit happens and it’s from when I was little. –never mind, I downloaded them, hehe!!!!
·         I feel sometimes that I should have just made this a contemporary. I seem to be sucking at putting the paranormal twist into it. It’s annoying. But I see that I’m doing this, maybe I’ll stop
162 words,
Is all I wrote. I think its actually because ever since I sat here my kids came and now I feel watched and blocked in and…yeah, it’s not productive. Especially since the whole table is now a mess of papers and she keeps on running into or kicking me.
I can’t work under these condition. Though to be honest it seems I can’t under any, so what the point?!
Mostly she cranky because it’s hot, muggy, she went to sleep sometime past 10pm and it’s hot. So no matter what she bursts into that cry 5 year old give off, when there pissed and want attention and think crying will get them anything.
It doesn’t, just a pissed off parent.

Later tonight
Okay, time for another bitch. (and were talking about it being on iBooks)
Today I finally was about to download ‘Catching a Bit of Irish’ and ‘When Tatum got bit by the Spider’.
It’s big new for me, because I was craving both since I knew they were released—hell, I’m still craving 3 or 4 books from both series, but….
Anyway, Book 19 from the Lost Shifters series was published in October and its December—two fucking months it takes for Australians get there shit. Though it’s been my sister who made me realises it’s our ratings that take it so fucking long.
Okay so both came out then, that’s why they come together. So the next book WoSR#14 came out November—yeah, she’s pushing these books out monthly, no wonder there getting a little sloppy with editing, I’m reading the most recent one now, and there is a major error that editing should have picked up. It’s huge and ended up confusing me for a little.
Shane’s Inner Anger came out in October, the 15th, so two weeks and I’ll get that one. Her’s are a little more sporadically done, the one before the last came out in July. Still, at least I should get the next one soon. Well, to be honest she has a heap of other series, so it depends on how she’s writing but shit, no wonder these women are having meltdowns, they are trying to make too much money. Trying to do too much too quickly.
Don’t ever let me become like that.
Don’t ever let this, a thing I love, ruin me.

Moonlit Wolves #3; Seeking my Werewolf  
·         I think I need to learn more about guns for this one.
1,027 words
·         The start of the real hunt.

Mon: I love the dark.
I’m not sure what it is about night that drive me, but I love it. I love the fact that you can’t see anything. That plan and boring places can turn into hideouts. That the stars shine, and the moon betrays you by looking brighter than it is.
I love walking in the night. The steps louder because of the omnibus feeling around you. that you can freak yourself out by just looking over your shoulder. 
It’s kind of like the feeling you get walking deep in the woods by yourself, but that always different. Yeah, you can still freak yourself out. But it’s not the same.
That suburban feeling of being watched while you walk past house after house of lights, feeling left out while you’re happy to be there.
It’s awesome. I love it. I write better in it. Too bad I can’t, right?!

[Chap 3; 1,055]
SmW (MW#3)
·         Onto chapter four.
Wrote: 463 words
·         Shit, I think I’m done for the night. This next part is about what the werewolf looks like and I’m going to have to go back and figure out what Phil looked like again, some details—the werewolf, I’ve got down pack.
I’ve decided to go an old school, something between American Werewolf and Harry Potter 3—or at least, that’s how one of them explained it. They change three nights a month. The real full moon is the middle one and they loss everything that night, the two outside nights they are a little weaker and are able to fight themselves.
Only a certain type of person can become a werewolf, and if ones around the werewolves can’t help but bite, um….there’s more, but, well, that’s enough to understand, right?

Tue: SmW (MW#3)
·         I think I need to change a few full stops with comers, last night I realised that I’m making Craig a little choppy. Though where he is, what he’s doing, I’m sure it would make sense, he’s in a different head space. As long as I make a point of it throughout the rest of the book it would still work that way. Maybe.

Something different (proves how great my writing is going)
I got rid of a few of my YA books that have been sitting on the shelf meaning to either read or finish. It came to me while I was looking at the shelf that I have only a few weeks and the girls I hand my books over to, well, I won’t see them anymore. So I cleaned out my shelf.
These are what I got rid of:
The Fallen vol. 1&2, Daughters of Darkness, Spellcaster, Ashes, Claire de Lune & Nocturne, Personal Demons & Original Sins, Past Midnight, On a Dark Wing, Clockwork Angel
It’s weird how different my shelf looks, mostly, I think, because I’ve had to fill in a few spots.

Oh, oh, I have something else to add
Christmas story came to mind. A short story.
·         A guy, Mathew Lester, has lost everything. All that’s left is a lonely Christmas filled nothing and no one. He can’t sleep. Can’t eat. And he wishes for nothing but a moment of peace away from what he feels. Of his loneliness.
·         A man comes down the chimney, looking like everything Matt has every wanted in a man, holds him tight and gives him a night he could never forget.
·         But when the light shines was it just a dream or was it something more.
o   Okay, so it’s a rough thought of a story that I’m going to write and post of Christmas Day. Hopefully it will be good. And that you will enjoy.

Wed: this is the part where free writing gets complicated.
MW #4.5, …Wolfe Christmas
·         I have no idea how to make this story just chapter after chapter of sex. Really, I haven’t figured out the plot yet. By this time, with this amount of thought I would have come up with something. I haven’t. Shit. How to make it interesting?
·         The biggest problem is that I’m writing a book that’s 3 books time, and because I haven’t even begun to think up the line plot, like the series plot line for it. I don’t let myself think that far ahead. it makes me antsy to finish the book, which leave massive holes in a series.
But I’m putting this up.  So I have to finish it. And finishing it makes me have to have a plot line for the short story. it can’t just be sex—well, it could and to be honest it’s looking like it’s heading that way, and I’ll just have to go threw at the end of it all, clean it up, and….
There needs to be a plot, right? There needs to be something, other than the boys in the picture that makes this a story. There has to be, something, to make it interesting and I have no idea what that could be.
·         Yeah I have some ideas, or something point place ideas that need looking into, but the idea that I have would mean that Adams’ story will have to move from book 7 to 5 and I don’t want it there. I’m not ready for it to be there. But….I could move book 8 up, and have….but that would mean the plot point won’t involve Matt or Jex, like book 7 does. Hum….
·         Yep, that idea has merit enough that I’m using it! Yeah…..
Book 5 is now Brad and Kyle’s, A Werewolf’s Howl, which means the arrival of Brad is going to be a shocker, though I’m not sure if it’s actually him that’s going to be the point, or if it’s the arrival of a sent….???
·         I’m not that hard up but, ‘cause I kinda wanna know Kyle’s story after Terry talked about it in book 2. So, win win, right?

Wrote 261 words, Christmas Story, I’ve named, Happy Christmas, Everyone! But I’m thinking it was all a waste. I’ll have to get back to it. I just don’t like it.
·         Oh, yeah, this ways much better. Already doubled it!
Re-wrote and ended with 770 words 
·         Lube him up. Hear a noise. Have a fuck. Wake up.
·         Might need to redo the beginning. It just wasn’t working for the story. This one might, but I could have done better. I know. It’s kinda lame.

·         It’s actually kinda hard to write a story without names. I know I gave him one, but that was back when the story had an actual backstory. Now there’s nothing. Just a horny 18 year old. And a jolly Santa Clause.
--never mind, had to put his name in. oh, well, I’ll just go back and change that up. Easy fix.
Wrote 349 words in Happy Christmas, Everyone!
·         Sex & wake up.

I so need to read a book so that I’ll have something to review tomorrow. Yeah, last second and all, but for some reason I completely forgot. Or more so I thought I already had something.
I don’t.
I can’t be bothered. And more so, I can’t think of anything else to put there instead, so what am I meant to do…..
Worse, is that I really want to write. I have a head full of crap.
Ah….this is so shit!

Blah, all I have in me is snippets from books I can’t seem to write. And since I’m not an author, I have no deadlines but my own. I have no real need to be writing so I’m taking a holiday!
Yep, I’m on Holidays!
It makes sense, the kids are about to be (six weeks of school holidays). I have plans on having a YA marathon, since I have a shit load that I want to read (17 that I really wanna read).
This isn’t to say that I won’t be writing anything in them. And the first one back will have a chuck of that, dates and all. Hell, I might not even last that long. I might find my mojo. I might come by next week and I have spent the whole time writing. Doubt it. But maybe I just need the relaxation that I can have this brake (though it seems all I’ve been having so far).
I did have plans: reading marathon, second draft of Untitled, finish book 3
And they could happen; when they do I will come back. This will end.
I will still being doing Adults Corner, that will be weekly now, though as I finish off my story for you. And those points will be written into the bottom of those posts so you can see the process, if you wish. And then at the end of that I will decide how I’ll proceed with that posting (sex scenes from my books or sex scenes I’ve written—a couple having fun).
So til then, I’ll be up and running. I’ll still be doing the other half of things, that isn’t my problem at this moment, but I feel I need a break.

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