Disconnected

If you aren’t aware, I have been going through a bit of a writer’s block. These happen a lot for me since I’m not a strong writer, or maybe the better wording is that I am and have been most of my life pushing back this part of me. Crippling it, if you would.

I’ve concluded that I’m an author, because I can’t just sit down and write anything I want, whenever I want to. No instead, I have to beat and abuse my ‘muse’ to work with me, making it easy to slip into blocks.

I don’t have to do this, is basically the point I’m getting at. I don’t have to write something to get the voices to shut up. As a teenager I found a highly embarrassing habit that got rid of them. That let me explore this part of me and to let it all out. which means that channelling it into something so…normal, well, maybe normal isn’t the word, but having to have a plot, and characters that are there, and stay there.

 

Anyway, I have been in a block. This block has come from the fact above. I’m forcing my hand. I can’t help it, there isn’t anything else for it. I have to or nothing will be done.

 

Yeah, I have other ideas, stories that have come into my head. that I’d like to write as well, but they aren’t needed, and quite frankly they are still in the early stages to be able to really get them on paper.

I have the idea but they aren’t rounded.

 

So I’m focusing, it’s the only way to think of it. I’m focusing myself to write a set book, and with that I’m finding myself disconnected to the whole series.

 

I’m talking the Moonlit Wolves series here. I need to at least finish book 6 and then I can decide which way I want to head. but as I see it, by doing this book I’ve at least gotten myself to June. Which is a nice play to stay.

 

So, I’m trying to write book 6, and I’m 9k into the whole thing, and I’m not even thinking this book will be a long one, it’s kinda a filler. Dan is needed, for a lot of little shit later on, but mostly he’s going to be there book into the Werewolf world that they are only on the side of. And with that he needs to be introduced. Only he’s attached to Gene, so I can’t just have him come in and… I have to give him and Gene there tale, only it’s not interesting and it’s meant to have things in it, but I’ve forgotten what they are.

 

But I also haven’t. I have the series set written down. I know what’s happening up until book 12 I can write them all but I’ve found that it’s a sequence of shit, that at least these 7 need to be read together, even if that’s it.

 

So, I’ve been scratching my head for a week trying to figure out what it is I’m missing. Why can’t I write this story? I love Gene and Dan, and though you guys might find the story boring or their characters…I don’t know, but I love them. I think because each of them are so much a highlight of myself, but it’s the part of me that I love, rather than with Chris holding that part I hate.

 

And yeah, you all know it, each character hold a piece of us, whether it’s a part that we can’t let go of, or a part of someone we see, or love. It’s that part of us that love them. It’s a part of our personality even if only one aspect.

They are all us, and no one is more me than Gene and Dan. And I have wanted to write this story from the moment the series came out and I found out just who they were, but it’s a waiting game, especially since I’m not fucking myself up and writing out of order. Not in my first year.

 

It’s only been a few hours since I’ve realised that something is completely off. And yeah, I’ve been hinting it for a few weeks now, but something here is differently wrong and because of that I’ve had to take a step back from my fucked out brain to look at what’s wrong.

The only problem. It’s hard to do that. It’s hard when your mind is riddled with a disease that doesn’t want you to work it out, because, well, what fun would that be?!

 

Story of my life, I’ve no reason for depression and yet it’s messed with my whole life and if it wasn’t for small miracle I wouldn’t have even noticed it and I would have drowned deeper and deeper until no one wanted to be around me. And I fucked up my children by tying that nose and actually wrapping the thing around my neck.

 

And yeah, people that’s how I’d die. Its how I’ve always see it

I could jump off a cliff, the Blue Mountains is famous for that shit, and so, to me, it’s a little clichéd.

I could jump in front of a train. It’s what I was gonna do when I started my killing spree (yeah, it was a fun game to scare the shit out of my ‘friends’) but, well, those poor people who were around to witness that.

I could gas myself, but that seems like a waste of money—I know I shouldn’t care, but I have kids man.

OD is for Cancer. I have a system

Slitting my wrist just seems, well, it would hurt like a mother…

 

…okay… deep breath and realised I’ve gone a little off topic.

 

I have concluded that I have spent too much time away from this series and the character in them. So the next week (bar Monday, I’m going to watch my sister and mum swim with sharks) I’m going to write out the short stories I plan on putting into the end of each book, only a handful of words. But it’s a catch up or a side story and they are needed, Or they will be liked for those who want more of characters that have long since gotten a book out.

 

I’m hoping by doing this I’ll be looking back at the books I’ve started to forget, to get what I’m missing for book 6 (but don’t hold your breath for a long one), look over the notes and be able to write if not book 6 but the other 6 that will end this run of this series. Because I’m ending them at 12, I have the idea of 32, but I’ll only give more if more is wanted. The second half of my year, or after I finish book 6 will be dedicated to something else.

 

Anyway if you’re interested:

 

·         Book 4—Jex and Matt, it’s a story from inside the book itself (written)

·         Book 5—Tim & Colin (book2) this one was actually going to be about the boy and how they came to be there, but it’s not great and as I was reading book 2 I found that Tim went through a lot of shit that needs spoken about

·         Book 6—Craig & Phil (book 3), story going on inside this book

·         Book 7…

o   Chris & Eamon (#4) will be getting a short story; it’s going to be sex scene (just like Jex & Matt’s is). And needs doing because they didn’t get a full scene in there story. I had to take it out and put something else.

o   I really do want to have a story about how the group got together and became... yeah, you’ll see, and I think if the series gets your attention you’d like to know as well. But my idea of having them talking to Eamon, kinda blows, so I’m thinking of maybe doing a flashback, or just a back in time thing and show you how it started.

And that’s all I have so far. I’m sure there will be one of every couple. some more than others because there funer to write and/or have way more problems, but I have a plan of always circling around these 7 couples as they are the main group and giving them a short story to show how things are going when the series takes us a little further away from them.

 

Yeah, thanks for this, I needed it. My chest feel lighter, my head still a mess but somehow clearer, or maybe just a lighten path through the crazy.

 

Next week we start promo again for book 2, so look forward to excerpt, since it’s all I really have. If ya want something else, make suggestions and I’ll look into them.