It’s come to my attention that at times I’m a little down on myself.
I could give you many excuses for this, as I have a ton, but the truth is that my self-esteem, especially at this point in my life (the word part) is in the toilet. I’m not a clean one that you’d be happy to put your hand in and yank me out, but one of those murky ones that you can’t even see the bottom of the bowl.
Okay, and now that we all have that wonderful image in our heads let’s move on.
The point is, my mind had been made up years ago, and it doesn’t seem to want to let me grow up and realise just how fucking awesome I am!!! So my new goal in life is to show all of you guys my awesomeness, so I’ll be able to see it myself. Yeah, it’ll be hard work, at least for me to see it. `Cause you guys probably already have this inkling of my awesomeness, and then you come here, read my bullshit. And your option of me jumps right into that toilet bowl idea I was explaining above.
But do you know what I’ve achieved?!
I’m an Author
I have my name on book covers—five of them! Right there for anyone to see and read. MY NAME on all those covers, now that’s got to show you something—something wonderful, because I DID THAT. No one else, just me, writing out what was in my mind and putting it out there, and now, here I am with MY NAME on something. It might not be a masterpiece for some, it might not even be the very best of anything I’ll ever write, but it’s a start, and I DID that, just me!
I’ve said that I can’t write romance. If this is true than why have I done it—multiple times. The Moonlit Wolves series might fall more under erotica, but that’s a form of romance. Erotica just means they’re snippets of time, rather than a full story, but they’re still about two people getting together and realising that’s better than being alone.
The thing is; my idea of romance isn’t flowers and chocolate at the door for your mother before the person takes you out on the date. Mine isn’t even flowers on the bed, or nice dinners in an overpriced restaurant. My idea of romance is wanting to spend time together just doing what’s normal in life. I don’t like the idea of it being anything else, so I write it that way, because romance is just that—it’s falling in love with someone and realising that’s all you need.
I do have a problem with feeling like an intruder, and the more uncomfortable I get the mushier my characters are getting, probably the sweeter, and more romantic. I spent 90% of my time writing Love Without Knowing it feeling uncomfortable, because I felt like an intruder in their personal lives.
I CAN write romance, and I CAN do a bloody good job at it. If I couldn’t I would have gone into a different genre. I would be writing fiction, or crime, or anything else that isn’t smothered in romance because it’s not something to fake. And it’s definitely something you’d find out about yourself straight away when you read my works, because, well you’re not seeing romance your just seeing to people doing shit together.
My goal is to see myself as the wonderful author that others can already see me as today, and not whatever it is I see myself as, because if I was truly that person, I never would have gotten this far in the first place.
And the truth be told if I don’t NJ Nielsen will probably tear me a new one and make me take down the post, and write it out again so it’s ACTUALLY what it’s meant to be.
So today I looked at myself in the mirror and said.
“Self—I AM AWESOME.”