Wednesday 20 August 2014

Life Is Like…

I’m pretty sure I’ve been spiralling in a mini breakdown. It’s happens, and though I’ve been pretty much tell you guys for the last couple of months that I’ve been depressed and that I’ve gotten out of it, and back in, I’m more than sure I’ve never succeed in the first.
The thing is I’ve been overly stressed for over a year now.
I don’t ever remember being in this type of stressful situation before, so that’s been new and something I don’t believe I’ve allowed myself to think about.
This year along has had the biggest things that has happened to me since the pregnancy and birth of my sons, I say this because in the first 8 months of his life I’d been in hospital with him twice. And they were both big surgeries, one with no guarantee that he’d actually wake back up (he was 6 weeks old)
This year, well, you guys know what I’ve done.
It’s come to a conclusion that I’m probably being way over dramatic but I’ve crashed. I’ve hit the point that I sleep for 8 hours at night, wake up tired as hell, I come home from dropping my kids off at school and have a nap, then wake up and want to go back to fucking sleep again.
I’m at a point I’m having 2 naps a day plus a lay down before dinner and then all I wanna do after it is sleep.
It’s a very bad thing when I’ve sleep so much, though saying this sleep is after me hating myself and thinking the world would be a better place without out.
Anyway, who cares right, well I know that people do, but I don’t want to come off as wanting attention, just want to share my journey and this is a big part of it, and a big part of the worlds and we need to learn to be open and honest, especially in the light of what’s happened recently.
Anyway on the most dramatic of versions, which I kinda like to be a bit, makes things seems realer to me. Anyway, I’ve hit the floor and I tried to get myself off it but then my kid got home and I got bored and so we had a nap together, but at least it’s only one.
So the plan, actually do something.
Tomorrow I’ve gotta do something. I’ve gotta clean, or take a walk, or…anything, because clearly writing isn’t going to happen until I weed my way back out of this hole. I need to do something to get my friends back, I miss them.
Now, because I’ve gotten to emotional I’ll end this by completely changing the subject
I sent off Love Without Knowing It (November #1) to the next person on the list, I’m hoping after he looks through it that I’ll be done. I guess it all depends on how many problems he finds.
Once I know either way, and this is the hope for the all clear sign, lol, I’m going to be make a few pdf copies to get read, see what they think, if there’s any major problems with it before it goes live in November.
I want it to be perfect because it means so much to me, and quite honestly I’ve got to get over that fact because it ain’t gonna be. It will be close and that’s about as good as it’ll get.

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