Love Without Knowing it, means so much to me. not
just the book, but the series, the idea that I had and the fact that I’m still
so passionate about this idea, about this charity and about the book I wrote
back in January this year.
I’m not going to get into this book that much now,
and it’s something I’ve debated for the last month now, but it’s more important
to promote the charity then it is my book, and therefore the reasons behind
this book. The charity I’m raising money for, by publishing this book, will all
come to light in November, as of now, just know that this one means a lot to
me. a lot more than all the other books I’ve published so far.
Now, that I wrote it in a way to give awareness to
the men in your life. To show you in a way the light and the stress. To have
you understand parts of a sickness that is still killing too many of our males.
and it’s done in a light, sweet, happily ever after way.
I decided on this mostly because I think it makes
for a better read, for something more will read because there isn’t anything
horrible in it. It’s just a love story, full stop. It’s a short little love
story with a message that I hope everyone takes to heart.
Before we get to the excerpt, you should take a moment
to click over to Multitaskingmommas for a review and the first excerpt of this
book.
Excerpt #2
Paul
hated this feeling of dread. Being home in Matt’s apartment wasn’t helping. He
hated not knowing what to say, what to do. He hated this fear, this guilt, this
threat that he was going to lose his mate.
He felt a driving need to interrogate Matt
for more information even though he knew Matt had told him everything he could.
Why couldn’t he see that Paul was going insane with the need to know more? He
needed every bit of information he could possibly get this hands on.
That started with the internet. He needed
it now. His fingers itched to do some
research, but he didn’t want to be one of those people who went onto Dr Google
and found the worst possible diagnoses’ straight away. Honestly, he just needed
something to do more than anything else. Paul knew it wasn’t the right moment
to start interrogating his lover, and he also knew Matt definitely wasn’t up
for the nitty gritty of it all.
A deep shuddered intake of breath from
nearby had Paul turning to Matt, who appeared to be using every bit of will
power he had not to cry. Paul felt his own chest tighten a little more.
Shit.
“Tea or coffee?” Paul asked, aiming to
distract even if his words came out scratchy.
Slightly glassy eyes looked up, but their
gazes never quite met. Matt cleared his throat before he replied, “Tea please,
two sugars and a touch of milk would be nice. And a Tim-Tam if there’s any
left…”
The sound of anguish in Matt’s voice made
Paul’s throat close and his eye sting. He needed a moment alone, just as much
as he thought Matt did.
Filling the jug with enough water to make
two cuppas, Paul flicked it on and then rested his hands on the bench as he
sucked back the need to cry. He could do this. He could do this with Matt. He
could be everything Matt needed him to be. A rock. The strength that would hold
him up. Weird, he had never done anything like this before.
He took a deep calming breath, gathered all
these intense and untested emotions into a tight ball, and tucked them just
under his heart. He would analyse and deal with them later. Right now was for
Matt. Tea.
He’d made a promise that he wouldn’t leave
Matt alone all day. He hoped he didn’t have to leave through any of this, but
that was neither practical nor reasonable for either of their mental health.
The thing was he had no intention of letting Matt deal with any of this alone,
and until someone else showed up to help, Paul was what Matt got.
With the tea ready, he carried the two cups
and a packet of biscuits under his arm, making a bit of noise as he entered the
room. He pretended not to notice Matt wiping his nose with the bottom of his
shirt.
“Here.” Paul gently handed him his cup.
“Ta,” Matt replied, his smile watery, but
thankful.
They didn’t speak much as they drank their
tea. Nor did either of them turn on the telly. They just sat in the silence of
the world, both separately pondering what the future may hold.
Paul tried multiple times to come up with
something to say, but he just couldn’t find anything. Nothing. Not a thing.
He had a moment of fear that he might be
intruding too much into Matt’s life. Was he stepping over the line? Did Matt
secretly want him gone? Stupid thoughts really, because deep down he understood
he was already neck deep in a complicated
relationship with Matt. The longer they sat in this comfortable silence the
more uncomfortable it became for Paul, as if he was trying to fit his feet into
shoes two sizes too small. Awkward really, yet he was more than happy to
squeeze himself into the fuckers. Anything to help Matt know he wasn’t in this
on his own.
“You don’t have to stay, ya know.”
“I know,” he mumbled back, wondering what
he could do to change, to lift the mood of the moment. His eyes flicker over
Matt as he spoke, watching his shoulders sag. Was it relaxation, relief, or
disappointment? Paul wasn’t sure, but he’d be damned if he was going to leave
without explicit instructions.
“So, you ever gonna tell me what the doc
said?” Paul asked as he settled further into the lounge. He hooked his ankle
over his knee, making sure his whole attention never left Matt.
“I did. He said he was worried, but not
because of the swollen prostate alone, more the lumps along the rectum wall.”
“Not worried about…dude, your prostate was
as big as a peach.”
Matt rolled his eyes. A smile lifted up his
lips; it did a lot to help soothe some of those worries in Paul’s chest.
“You’re exaggerating, mate.”
Paul lifted a brow. “Seriously, the fucker
rubbed at my cock head when I was fully planted.”
Matt laughed. “He thought that maybe I had
an infection.”
“That’s…really—is that true?”
Matt shrugged. “It’s what he said. He was
honestly more worried about the lumps than the prostate itself. Dude, I think
it’s weird too, but it’s the truth. Why would I lie?”
“I guess, though it’s a gland, so if ya got
like glandular fever or something it might blow up a little.”
Matt laughed hard. “I can just see it now,
‘Oh, your throat’s sore, just drop trou
and let’s get a gander at that prostate.’”
It felt so good to laugh.
They let things slide after that, and if
Paul was totally honest with himself, he didn’t particularly want to talk about
it anymore. He needed a break. Selfish of him, yes, and he was probably going
to get an ulcer from the guilt, but at least it gave Matt a bit of timeout as
well.
Paul wasn’t sure how long they’d sat there
before Matt got up and went to the toilet. Paul cleaned up the cups.
A sharp crash from the bathroom had his
feet running in that direction before his brain could catch up.
“Matt?” He knocked on the door. “Matt,
what’s going on? Are you okay?” He gripped the doorhandle and turned.
Thank-fuck it was unlocked. There had been some form of mumbled answer, but
Paul hadn’t been able to understand it.
Matt was standing over the toilet, cock in
his hand, pointing down into the bowl with a pinched look on his face…
“Can’t piss,” Matt whispered as he looked
up at Paul.
No comments:
Post a Comment