Saturday 21 July 2012

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer 2.10: an End

Starting paragraph
The way things were going Jex wasn’t getting out of these woods alive. He’d come to that conclusion about a half hour ago when he found himself yet again leaning against a tree that held a knife sticking out by the halt. A knife that had been stabbed into the tree because Jex had managed to duck just in time.
Loved by a Werewolf, short story, start

Words to begin with: humm..... Obsessions, as appropriate word as any to start off this week of writing
At least it’s apt.

Mon: 3,251 words in Loved by a Werewolf.
Tue: sorry family time, I was home alone with me son.
Wed: starting line for a Human Monster story. Hunting a Hunter
This was what started it all. The line that came into my head and the quick seconds that had a story to go with it.

They train us to kill. To turn off our minds. To go somewhere else when we are watching brain matter or the chest cavity spill out of a human being.
   So why the fuck are they all so surprised when we don’t flinch?!

Wrote 242 words to start it off
221 words in Loved by a Werewolf. Shitty day and I think I know why, maybe, we’ll see tomorrow avo— ‘cause it’s family time threw the day

2,431words in Loved by a Werewolf. Yeah I finished it (only a couple of days late). And may really need to be considered the next day seeing as its 12:15am but hey, semantics.

 Loved by a Werewolf, by Bronwyn Heeley
A paranormal erotic short story
12,267 Words
21 Pages

YEAH!!!! It’s done. I can’t believe it. The power of relief and the endorphins that are rushing threw me now. It’s a reason that I love writing—well, no, but it’s a reason that I like finishing a book, even if it’s not complete, even if it’s only a draft. That rush you get....that satisfaction that comes because you know you’re done.
That moment when you’re happy it’s over. Right before doubt hits you. And you have to start to get it all ready for someone else to read it.

Short stories, though, aren’t quite like that because there so small, it’s not really something you get other people to read, or at least I don’t, I just post them and hope to hell that you guys really like that. So my rush in that skips past what’s wrong or right about it, though it’s not really long enough for a personality or even really growth that makes you need to wonder what you’re missing.
But the panic before posting them isn’t as bad as when I first put up short stories maybe that means I feel I’m getting better — good enough to actually write them.
That I believe there worth your reading them.

Fri: I’m’s sad in away, both because I not.
Ha, what a contradiction is that. What a fuck head I turn out to be. But then who isn’t a little. What would life be like if there wasn’t something about you that was fucked up? Boring as shit, is my answer, yours??

This is what it’s like for me. Not as strongly, but a bit. after I finish one piece of work I either can—have to—move on to the next. And in the case of a short story, I end up having to go back to what it was I was working on. Though the shorts that come from those are generally due to thoughts I have to rid myself of before I can move onto my work (this happens if sex is too much in my forefront or if I have a part, a line, a quote, a need to get something out of my head about a character that’s not the main and not needed for the way things were going)
Anyway, the short above was from a few stories that I read which is probably why I don’t have anything left to write about.
But really, it seems this way all the time. Maybe I’m just over my book? Maybe I should move on? But I really like the idea of the series. Hell I really want you guys to like it. More so I really like the character, the plot and all that crap. But I’m just having trouble finishing this first book.
Though saying this its only this one book and it’s more like I’m bubbling to get to the next and the next because I haven’t let myself to much more than character ideas with the other stories which is good too because in the 4th book I know what ones need to be there so you can love them for when their time comes.
I really want to write this series. So why the fuck can’t I?

I sitting here at the moment watching Forest Gump, it’s one of my favourite movies, which, if you know me, you would now it’s odd of me. I’m not a Tom Hanks fan. I don’t know why, but there’s something about him that annoys the crap out of me. I honestly can’t watch all of Green Mile in one sitting because of him. But Forest Gump? Love it! Who doesn’t it’s an awesome movie.

A little motivational reading threw the series
A line or two in Hands of Destiny (by the way most of these books will be re-named when I can come up with something better)
133 words in Betrayal & War. I can’t do much with Obsessive’s Lips since I changed so much of the story line since writing that book (the one that made the series) that it’s a mess and so much is missing, needs put in, taken out....). The rest of the series is only in plot form because I won’t let myself go any further.         

Week 2, Sun: [yeah, a looking back after writing, I’m just talking a lot of shit here. Sorry]
I know, and you probably do if you have been reading these postings, that I generally like the bitch and moan and generally spit excuses for myself.
Really, I actually know this is a flaw of mine. It’s fun though and I just can’t seem to brake myself of it. I really do like to have a good bitch, it clears things up in your head, it helps get all that pent up crap off your chest and at the end of it you’re settled enough to be able to see things the way they are, not the emotional way your mind has made them.
Funny, actually, I think that’s actually a bit like people fill when they need to submit, right?
*shake head* going somewhere else with that thought. But humm.....

Anyway, I’m about to do it again. I’m crap at writing at the moment because I’m excited and a little frazzled about my kids going back to school (okay, so only ones actually going to school, Primary, Kindergarten. The other has day-care/preschool, but she goes four days a week, and the school kid doesn’t actually start back until Tues—crap Student Free days!)
I’m digressing and yet I’m not. I’m all a bundle of ‘shit what do I need. School food. Check—shit no, bananas. School close (for the boy) are they all washed, do I know where they are? (I’m shit at putting clothes away, hell, who isn’t it’s like a crap ass job to do, especially since you’re gonna put them on in a day or two anyway. Do I have all the shit he bought home from school that last week? Library book? Yep. Home reader? Yep—and then to add, because I like to think I’m a caring mother even when I say otherwise (worst critic here) he lost 2 teeth threw holidays (YEAH) and he got his gold coin ($1) and he did right and put it in his bag so that he could spend it at the canteen, so I’ve gotta make sure that it’s still there.
Shit, you really don’t care about this shit, do you?
But it’s what I’ve got on my mind, along with ‘FUCK YEAH I get the house to myself’, and telling myself that I’ve only got one more day to go, two more sleep—funny, me and the kids are both in a great mind set of our excitement on this point.

So saying all this shit, that could have been summed up in like, what? three words.
But I like to spin a lot of shit, kinda makes sense since I like to write books, they are all about talking to yourself about the shit that’s happening, making it spill out for as long as you can without making someone fall asleep on you (not that I think I can do that. I don’t know I can’t, no one’s told me otherwise, and I have enough optimism to think I can do it)

Anyway here’s what I needed to say, rather than the crap up there which was what I wanted to say.
I’m in this odd mood both frantic and happy and itchy and calm. It’s actually the type of mood I need to be in if it’s focus is on my writing, on a book, it’s what I was feeling all day and night when I was writing Loved by a Werewolf, but it’s useless when I’m focused on something else.
Though I’m hoping to get some writing done tomorrow since I’ll be up all day wishing it was Tuesday.
But I stupidly started Gentleman and it’s got a good wording to it. A great voice, even if I don’t particularly like first party main characters and it’s a little droney on detailing, though it needs to be, so I get it. And factly I’ve gotten the gist of his mates, and the teacher in question and they have gotten up to the thoughts of shit—I’m on page 44 staring at chapter3.
It’s interesting and could be a factor in the way I’m thinking at the moment, but I can’t be that sure, I’m a little sleep deprive with added bonus on needing to get a lot of crap out of my head.

Wed: I’m over it. I’m over myself and I think that it’s become plainly obvious that it’s not in me to write this type of romance, not yet at least. I can’t motivate myself but more so I can’t get myself to believe that I can write it.
So why am I spending this much time, time I don’t really have this year. Why am I getting worked up? Why am I fucking myself for something that I don’t seem to want to read? So.....
I’m done.
This is the last week that I’m going too spent all my time on this book. I’m sure I’ll go back to the series all the time, because it’s my romance that’s all about right there and now. The BANG! That I try not to put in my other ones.

This series is at an end but I’ll give you the play.....
My Warrior Brethren series

#0.5: Beauty of Summer
[Cray & Giovanna]
Words: 11,912 (21 pages)
—really needs a re-write, it’s has a horrible start—

#1: Body of Darkness
[Adelaide & Joachim]
Words: 27,679 (40 pages)

#2: Destiny’s Hands
[Andrew & Geneva]
Words: 1,480 (3pages)

#3: War & Betrayal
[Donahue & Nemeis]
Words: 1,114 (2pages)

#4: Obsessive’s Lips
[Hamza & Mirabel]
Words: 10,866 (15 pages)
—needs a re-write badly, with a new start—

#4.5: (no name)
[Sain & Philip)
—thinking of changing this one to a lesbian novella/short—

#5: Cursed Happiness
[Cadmus & Daniel]
Words: 1,977 (4 pages)

#6: (no name)
[James & Tanya]
Words: 420

#7: Third Wheel Heaven
[Axel, Ethan & Mitra]
Words: 787
—only written the plot line of the love and them falling—

#8: Thanking the Timing
Words: 287

#8.5: Sexual Darkness
[Peta & Daz]
Words: 408

The worst thing is I really like the idea of the series. I really like the characters. I really like the books to come, and yet I can’t find it in myself to think that I can write something like this. Like I’m not good enough for it or something.
But then maybe it’s just not exciting for me anymore. That’s the reason that I don’t want to write it. but them, I’ve always had that as a thought at the back of my mind, it’s why I never allowed myself to dive in to deeply to any of the other books in this series. Then, all I had to do was make it through this one and it would be new again.
I think that might be the point, but then why don’t I skip this book and head to the next? Why do I have to write this one now? It’s not that important, hell, it doesn’t even have to be the first book, though it helps. But I can’t seem to do that either. so does that mean it’s something else?
I don’t care anymore. And I’m moving on, to glimpse and show point whenever an idea or a need to write in the book comes to me.
The question I have to ask myself now is...which one am I going to do next?

Weekly Re-cap: let us move on....
Weekly word count
LW: 6154 words
HH: 257 words
= 6402 words 

Ending Paragraph
Matt and Jex looked at each other and they were in sink. Rolling off the bed, Jex got pants thrown his way and he pulled them on as Matt did and they both went to set up the ass that helped and Jex’s old man so they could leave and be gone for a while before they needed to be back on the grid again. 
Loved by a Werewolf, short story, End

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