Saturday, 26 January 2013

Memoirs of this Delusional Writer #15

Starting paragraph
Taking a large drink of his beer, Eamon looked around the pub. It was one of his favourite things to do, people watch. It wasn’t Patricks; he liked to be in the crowd. Liked meeting new people, seeing new things, whereas Eamon was content to sit by himself and watch the world around him.
Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4) op


What I’ve done
·         Seeking my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)
·         Want: Finish It  
·         Done: finished, first draft. (18,464w)— more info below
·          
·         Untitled (next blog story)—Valentine’s Day!
·         Want: To start—mostly outline
·         wrote: 2,062 words
·          
·         Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4)
·         Want: start
·         wrote: 3,527 words
·          
·         You’re Telling Me  (YA Romance, Stand-alone)
·         Want; started it up—read below if interested, excerpt included.
·         wrote: 1,030 words
·          
·         outside work
·         190 words
(Filled Monthly Quota)

[Research] What I Learnt
·         muscle relaxants
o   is a drug which affects skeletal muscle function and decreases the muscle tone.
o   Back in the 16th century the natives of Amazon Basin used a poison-(today known as curare)-tipped arrows that produced a death by skeletal muscle paralysis.—cool, huh?
o   There are a whole heap of others, but it’s boring, it’s so boring I could hardly keep my eyes open. And what’s below is much more interesting, and more relevant to my books, which this one is not.
·         Poppers
o   Well, it’s a slang term for a drug (boppers & snappers are also what it could be known as). It’s been part of the club culture from disco (1097s) to the rave scene (1980-1990). It has a long history of use due to the rush of warm sensations and dizziness when the vapours are inhaled.
o   ETRMOLOGY: “Amyl nitrite, manufactured by Burroughs Wellcome (now GlaxoSmithKline) and Eli Lilly and Company, was originally sold in small glass ampoules that were crushed to release their vapors, and received the name "poppers" and "snappers" as a result of the popping sound made by crushing the ampoule.[5]
o   HISTORY: is actually quite interesting.
·         "He was into amylnitrate. I don't know if you know what that is, but basically it's a popper. You use it for sex."[7]
o   EFFECTS
·         Effects are instantaneous and brief, but intense. These effects are caused by a sudden surge of blood to the heart and brain
·         Light-headedness, giddiness, heat flush or heightened sensual awareness may also result. This is known as a headrush
·         Some users may also experience the impression of time slowing down
·         The effects fade two to five minutes after use
·         Users are often left with a headache.
o   APHRODISIAC: Inhaling nitrites relaxes smooth muscles throughout the body, including the sphincter muscles of the anus and the vagina.[8] It is unclear if there is a direct effect on the brain. Smooth muscle surrounds the body's blood vessels and when relaxed causes these vessels to dilate resulting in an immediate decrease in blood pressure, producing a sensation of heat and excitement that usually lasts for a couple of minutes.
o   Alkyl nitites are often used as a club drug or to enhance a sexual experience.[1] The head rush, euphoria, and other sensations that result from the increased heart rate are often felt to increase sexual arousal and desire.[1]
Well I’d never be able to use this, but then I’m a Gemini and I’m too much about the need to (or think I am in) control of me brain. Though saying this, my recreational drug use (other than being spiked, which I think I was once, though not efficiently). I ran on a theory, my whole teen life when it came to heavy drugs. I would either love it or I’d hate it. And I didn’t particular want to kill myself for something I didn’t need, nor get addicted to the shit. Still, it’s kinda interest.
o   Seems these days (reported) it’s a common use with under age 12-17yrs. But the percentage is still low. 1.5%--1.8% with 20% in North West England in ’00. In the late 80’s the percentage of gay men using it was 69%. This same survey also found that 11% was recreational increasing to 22% among ‘heavy abusers’
o   HEALTH ISSUES: to society. Which I think all heavy drug problems do. So it’s a no brainer. (but the risk is actually low)
o   A serious decrease in blood pressure leading to fainting, stroke, or heart attack. There’s Poisoning if your swallow it rather than inhaling it. Can make problems with your sight.
o   Anemia Popper inhalation also has been associated with Heinz body hemolytic anemia and methemoglobinemia.[33].
o   Poppers can also increase intraocular pressure, and so should be avoided by people who have glaucoma.[34][35]
o   Irritated throat may cause breathing by mouth (but not by nose) harder. Probably increased risk for throat cancer if cancer if prevalent
o   Side effects: Common side-effects of popper use include headaches,[36] and in some cases temporary erectile problems. Other risks include burns if spilled on skin.
o   Rarely, the use of poppers can cause methemoglobinemia and hemolysis, especially in individuals predisposed towards such a condition or in overdose. Hemolytic anemia (or haemolytic anaemia), a form of anemia due to hemolysis, may break out consistently.
o   More rarely, acute use of poppers has been associated with asphyxia, arrhythmias, cardiovascular depression, carbon monoxide poisoning, hepatorenal toxicity, mucosal, pulmonary, skin irritation and facial dermatitis.
‘Erectile problems’, kinda funny when it’s used as a sex drug, don’t ya think? Kinda risking a lot.

Well that’s me done. There are parts that I just couldn’t be bothered capping, which is why I didn’t, but I did read it all. Anyway, I heard about it, needed to understand, to find out. Interesting and not as it is. I did.
This was from Wikipedia, so how accurate it is I’m not sure.

Thoughts for Thoughts
Let’s talk stories (ideas). Starting with Moonlit Wolves series, and ending with something new.
·         Gotta remember that I don’t want this book to have a wash of happy-land, where the LGBTQ community is like everyone else. This will be shown better in the later books, but for now, I have to remember to put some shield between them and the hets.
·         —okay, so it’s not going to work. I guess the people that frequent the bar, at least that this time of day, will have to be, either use…
o   Oh, shit—story line, fuck yeah!!!
o   Book 11: To Catch a Werewolf’s Attention, Jack (werewolf) & Terry (Tim’s friend)’s story.
o   This books starts, at least Jack’s story starts in book 5, which is becoming a book with many starts because it also introduces us to John, from book 15: Functioning Werewolf. He’ll be in the story, most of the time, from book 5; he is there doctor.
But this way, yeah, again to me I made a character that it smart and I really should stop that shit.
·         I’m going to be writing my next ‘Blog Story’—you know, after the ten weeks it’s going to take for me to put this one threw (and I’m gonna, no matter if no one reads it). I’m thinking of (and it’s not going away) that I’ll write a story about two men in a ‘gay for you’ after that first admission.
o   It will either be, straight after, the two of them coming out (or one, I’ve not decided if they are best mates that fell in love, or a gay dude and straight dude. So it will be one (or both) coming out to the family.
o   —or it could be that a few years later when the honey moon is over (though straight to gay, it would sorta happen the first place, this one, other than the other will be a couple of years (5-10) and be more about trust and another man, kinda thing. That lake of passion, that rut and a man spending too much time somewhere else.
o   —or, it will be even further down the line, when the gay dude dies and the other is in a struggle to find out what that means for him. It will have the grief, though I’m thinking it will be a step beyond that when he’s ready to move on. But what does that mean? Going back to being straight? Continuing to be with men??
Though saying this, I could actually do them all, because the time line between them is actually a big time difference, so maybe I should start out with the first step, and then if you want more, well, I can write more. Hum….
It will be a Contemporary LGBTQ Romance, ‘gay for you’ story between two men.
NOTE: I thought about it, and I really like the idea that I write these three stories from these guys points of view, in major points in their lives, that everyone has. Anyway, I’ve decided I’m going to do them all. This year. One for each ‘holiday’—valentines will be the first, then Christmas in July, and lastly Halloween. We’ll see if Christmas and New Year’s gets one, but I could have a different idea by then. We’ll see.
So do any of you want to name them???
(Book 12: Naming our Werewolf, has just been set uppish. Or at least the love line threw the threesome—yep. I’m taking a hand at a threesome. Yeah!)

486w Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4)
·         But I doubt I’ll keep them. (the dabble or two I’ve written for further in the story)
·         I am going to have so many problems with this story. Shit. I really wish I could magically get rid of this story. Or these characters. How the hell am I mean to do it??
Really, people, it’s going to be hard. Here’s my why’s:
1.    Firstly the attitude that comes through Chris. It’s about his past. Throw in a little small man syndrome, and a beating by his family. He has attitude I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write done as strongly as it’s coming from inside my head. Really, even the past points of him, aren’t what I see him as.
2.   Eamon is older, smarter, like PHD smart—being as I’m making him a shrink—though, it won’t be as hard as I think it will because I know the back stories. I know what they are like. I’m hoping I’m as good as I think I am at reading people, so I should be alright at making the right movement when he’s looking.
§  But more so, he’s smart, and I’m not.
His pervious partner was a slave like sub. They were deep into the scene and so….I at least have to have reference points. And things he’s like—shit, I have to make him complete possessive alpha. I’m shit at normal alphas how the hell am I meant to write a possessive one?
3.   Chris might like the scene, a little, though he’s never gone into it. He just likes the roughness, the pain, the strength his partner puts over him, the safety and the knowledge that he can completely let go. He doesn’t do full on.
4.   So basically I have to have a struggle with Eamon to not see Chris as he’s old partner and create something new. While what he’s known for so long comes naturally.
§  Which means at first he’ll have to try and push that shit onto Chris a little. Which is going to be the point in the story. The struggle to let go of the past and become something new.
·         It’s hard. Right. Since I just don’t think I’ll ever be that good at writing, so this probably won’t come out half as well as I hope it will.
Worse is I can’t get rid of it either. The story is getting written.

It’s just accrued to me that I don’t think I’ve ever told you where the names come from in the Moonlit Wolves series (there are enough for 29 books). Huh. It’s an interesting tale. Not. Maybe I’ll get around to it later one

1,082w Seeking my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)
·         Yeah I really need to have that confrontation with the rest of the boys so that his personality when it comes to Phil is shown. The differences with it.
That he’s not as open about everything with the others as he is with Phil. Especially when it’s just Phil.
·         Shit, they have to have an argument and I’m not really in that type of mood. Shit. This is gonna suck. Hehe.
[Chap 10: 1,412w]
·         I think this will need to be lengthened but I can’t think of anything else at the moment. Added the part in a previous chapter that I have to write out….
I FINISHED!
Seeking My Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #3)
First draft early November 2012 to 15th January 2013
18,464 Words / 11 chapters / 38 pages
Paranormal Romance, m/m
Next step: add in what’s missing, read threw

·         Fix Ups: losing 457 words, being replaced by 410w. –which makes Chap 10 have 1,385w, losing us 27 words. = 18,437 words, instead on above.
It feels better now. Feels finished.

Apparently Picnic’s can’t be put in the fridge.

Let’s start the next one up, hey, Moonlit Wolves, book 4: Taking Control of my Werewolf
·         This is a Paranormal Erotic Romance, lite BDSM m/m.
·         It’s Eamon, a shrink who’s lost his partner to death a while back and he’s at a point that he’s friends put him in the car and told him to take a vacation. Ends up at one of his partners properties Eamon never knew he had.
·         Chris is a small man with chip on his shoulders, but he has a group of friends he calls family.
·         This is about them coming together and creating something better of themselves with each other.
o   You can look above, and see the struggles I’m going to have with story so I’m not going to put it up again. And previous posting have told you about the small amount I have already written.
·         This is already sitting at 1,999 words and Eamon has seen Chris—or is about to, at a local pub. He will end up hiring the group to clean up his property and that’s how they will meet. Properly.
o   Then add two parts that will be in there but might be written up differently. Part 1: them talking about Eamon being a Dom, 429w & then talking about sex, and safe words, 278w

Did you know that when you become a Buddhist you have to swear not to participate in any oral or anal sex because it’s too close to being gay?!
(Obviously one-sided paraphrasing)

 1,312w Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4)
·         Ah...the help of the yellow pages—okay, so more the white pages, but it is all one book.
·         Shit, I don’t even know how long the dude has been dead for. What kinda writer am I? A few years. A year? Shit, I don’t want it to be to close, because….well, like hell, that fall in love with someone that quickly, no matter if you’re a soul mate of not. Grief needs to be possessive and all that crap. I think a year? Maybe just under?
I don’t even know how he died. Was it natural? Cancer? Surprised? Killed?
The dying of cancer would actually work better, wouldn’t it? And if you think about it, it can have a shorter time of one lover to the next because your grief sorta happens while the person is still alive.
[Chap 2: 1,321w]
·         Gene’s back story is spoken about, which helps, though he isn’t next. I think though a lot of the others histories might come out in this one, because of…yeah.
Also gotta make sure I got the school system right. Add a school name, which I don’t know, and then…yeah, part done.

I have this thought (You’re Telling Me)
Though I’m really not going to go into that great a detail, unless you want, but I’ve been thinking ‘bout this group of kids—and I say that with the utmost respect, but I’m old I’m allowed to call a dude whose 16 ‘kid’ but it’s about these kids. At first they were also in another point of view and I could never really understand the story they wanted to share. But there it hit. Like a light in a dark room and I was just too blind to see.
Kids, a group. Three meet in primary school. Two kids sitting on a silver bench in kindy, a girl works up, sits down in front of them and tells them that now there her best friends.—see where my problems have lied, she’s a force of massive personality, and it’s a little hard to see around her.
So we have these three kids, thicker than thieves. When they reach high school they pull two more into their atmosphere. One they meet at the school, the other his best mate from preschool.
This group, well, that’s where I land—actually I know a shit load more about them. Who’s who and who likes who kind of gossipy that you have when you’re in high school. I know what’s gonna happen, but how I should get this story out….?
Though, it is, and will be, a YA Romantic fiction, probably romance, that will hold the true edge of teen life we adults don’t want to think your kiddies are getting up to.
I’ll give you a sampling….
~*~
“Fuck I’m bored,” Adam leant back in the mattered mattress they had leaning up against the wall—a makeshift lounge, set on a low table to keep it off the concert floor.
     “Well watcha wanna do?” Kale asked as he beat the shit outta a couple prostitutes on the screen.
     “Fuck knows,” Adam scratched his head. “To fucking bored to do anythin’.”
     “Whatch watching Cade?” Jack asked as he sat next to the man on a battered lounge Adam’s dad gave him when he wanted the garage as a crash pad.
     “Porn,” the rest of them announced at the same time.
     “Figures—fuck men, that black dudes hung.”
     “Is’he?” Kale asked throwing the controller onto the table the console sat on.  
     “Yeah, seriously, though he’s balls are small as shit,”
     “Doesn’t even look like he got any,” Cade muttered.
     “Angle?” Adam asked off hand.
     “Could be a…a…shit, ya know, the…”
     “Transsexuals?”
     “Yeah, could be that, man is pretty,” his smile was more pride at the thought that anything.
     “Could be,” Jack nodded, his hand fiddled with his crouch. “Oh! Adam’s right—angel! Look how tight they are?!”
     Adam shook his head smiling.
     “Fucks that’s hot,” he muttered before he gave up and just undid himself. “Wanna see who finishes first?”
     Adam shrugged.
     “Nothing better to do,” Kale muttered pulling the phone out of Cade’s hands.
     “Not really,” Cade muttered.
     “Yeah whatever, you’re just pissy ‘cause you always lose,” Jack laughed as he lift his hips and shifted his pants down.
     “Like lasting longer is a bad thing,” Cade muttered as he got comfortable, his dick in hand.
     “Is when it’s a competition on who blows first,” Jack’s voice sounded tight.
     “Here,” Kale said a moment before the phone landed near Adam’s feet. Dick already in hand and a slow pump Adam looked at the image playing out over the phone. He was in a good point, the woman on her knees, her head turned the other way. A black hand fisted her dirty blond. Her breast swung back and forth.
     The camera angel changed, a thick black dick sliding in and out of puffy swollen red lips, a piercing in her clit, his balls brushing it with each quick thrust.
     A slow, deep roll of hips. And Adam had enough; he threw the phone back at Cade.
     “Show time,” Jack moaned and they all started the real work.
     Adam let his head tilt back, his eyes closed, as a movie work its way through his head. An image on image of what he’d just seen.
     “eerg..” hit his orgasm, wetness covered his hands as he moved his hand over the head to catch what he could so he didn’t have to change.
     “Suck it bitches!” Jack’s voice filled the pants and grunts.
     Adam laughed threw the end of the endorphins that were running threw his body. A few seconds later he was leaning over to the other side of the mattress for the towels and ruined shirts that were dumped there.
     “Fuck!” Cade’s finish always last. And it made the rest of them laugh.
     Cleaned up, pants in place they were relaxing into the bliss.
     “Gentleman,” Mandy said as she came into the room, a muttered, “always smells like fucking sex in here.” And then she was sitting next to Adam.
     “Your timing is impeccable, again, my dear,” Jack said as he picked up the controller.
     “Yeah, yeah, how long ago did ya cover up?”
~*~

Apparently I’m okay doing my first drafts the way I do them. Josh Lanyon does to. He writes down parts, I’m guessing what’s in his head, and then jots down the notes that need to fill the rest of the part in.
It’s what I do. When I need to keep on writing, or I’m not in the mood to make it work. Or I’m not fully sure what/how/which position… it’s going to work out, I jot the notes and when I have it figured out. Their character more defined. Then I go back and fill it in.

646w You’re Telling Me + 384w = 1,030w in total
[Prologue: 1,190w]
Just the back story, might not actually make it into the book at all, but it’s what’s in my head and it really needed to be concreted onto page for me.
·         Yeah, I’m going to try and write this one without the prologue, but not grantee, and even if I do, I’ll actually write up the first part and make it a short story for the whole book, to put up for you, if your ever interested.

Second Week
1,068w Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4)
·         There’s a part of dribble that I’m not sure matters, other than filler, and it seems a little boring. So….
·         Descripted Eamon, and I’m not sure, shit. But… like he seems right, or at least I couldn’t stop myself from describing him this way. Maybe it’s just Chris’ description. But then, I don’t really get full on looks at my characters, just the thing that stands out on them. And I have to let the one describing them tell it. Since people see people differently, right?
Anyway, Eamon is more a type of personality that I see, I don’t know if I’ve…wait! Maybe I’m—no, actually he seems perfect this way…. huh.
It kinda makes what he can do a little bit more impressive.
·         This book isn’t turning out like I hoped, sorry. I just can’t seem to write that full on personality that I hoped Chris’ would have. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have it. Or that I haven’t really gotten that far….but I’m not hopeful this will be any great book.
[Chap 3; 1,273]—will have more contexts, when I fill it in.  

You know, it took me five years to get into the reading that I liked. To get to this point.
In 2007 (I think) I started reading YA, starting with Twilight, Evernight, House of Night, and more, working threw them ‘til, round 2009 (I think) where I read my first adults romance, Bloodline, to lords of the underworld. Black dagger brotherhood, dark-hunters, Anita Black and more…. I think it wasn’t ‘til mid-2011 when I got my first erotica, Wolf Tales, and my first real bite of m/m loving, which went slow, because I had to order than in, but resulted in Heaven Sent, With or Without, The Assignment, Faith Love and Devotion and then mid-2012 when I got my iPad and the whole lot of books came and went. Lost shifters series, Wolves of Stone ridge. Josh Lanyon, RJ Scott, Mercy Celeste…. And it won’t be until mid-year that I’ll get the books that I really want, because I’ll get myself a Kindle, or something of my birthday. Still, five years from the first book I truly picked up and made me fall in love with reading. Pretty impressive, how far I’ve come.

The rain sounds like it has a bladder problem… with a lot of gas.

170w untitled (blog story)
·         Until now. Named it: Being that for You.
·         This one is starting with them getting together, but it’s not working out as good as I hoped. We’ll see how it ends up. But I started it without being in the right mood. Honestly it’s the next story that I can’t seem to get out of my head. But I want this out for Valentine’s Day and that’s like in a couple of weeks, so I don’t have the time to write the next one first. But we’ll see. This one might be shorter than the ones to come because of this. It’s also one of the easiest and honestly one that can be over with in under 2000 words, so….I might just make it sweet and simple, and then the next one, have more depths.

661w Taking Control of my Werewolf (Moonlit Wolves #4)
·         Just did the end of the book. –he, it’s a set up for book 5 and 11, because I’m not going to make you read in order, but it’s probably going to help. Sorry. I’m shit at this, but then, it’s only my first time. –

1,892w Bring that for You
·         This is a three part story. First part done. Not that I’m going to give it to you in three parts, I’m hoping it will be a single posting for Valentine’s Day, unlike the next one, this chunk is actually really easy to write, to do. Because there isn’t all that much to it. Christmas in July, that ones the one I can’t stop thinking about, it’s going to be the toughest, and most likely a little longer. 
·         Oh, and I re-wrote the start, there’s a little confession point, that might still go, because it’s actually really hard to write a tear jerking ending to a book at the start with no back story.

190w Sharing Death


Ending Paragraph
“Love you too babe, sleep well.” And with a sigh that Mike couldn’t hear over his own breathing he hung up the phone and went to clean himself up.  He really should stop doing this in his office.
Being that for You, page 4

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