This is a two point answer that I’ll try my best to keep straight but may do so badly.
The thing is, you see, I don’t know.
I’m too new to all this to have any answers for anything.
I’m to fucked in the head at the moment to write anything this year (it seems) though I’m more than sure I’ve written the most since I first decided that I wanted to be an author.
I’m not sure if it’s ‘cause I’m waiting and it’s slowly killing me. But why? What is it I thought would happen. Because I know for a fact that I told my family it would take longer than this. but my mind seems to want to rant and rave and fuck up just because it hasn’t.
Yeah, I know, I’m being… (you can insert word, I’m free that way)
I know that it’s going to take time, I’m willing to wait for years (no, I’m not) before I’m published. And I know that it will take that long for me to be truly noticed. Not unless I want to push myself into everyone’s face, piss them off.
Or that I can write so eloquently that just my words can bring you to tears, and have you gushing about me to everyone.
And let’s face it. I ain’t that good, I’m nowhere near that good. Like, I’d like to think my books will touch you. Will give you something you needed when you picked it up. but I’m thinking even that will take time.
It’s the way these things work. It’s the reason being an author is a side job. A job that isn’t going to make you any real money—until it does, and that takes years. And time. and pain. and struggles.
I know this. More than I think this post is showing me.
I think my struggle is actually on the series that I have written.
I’ve gotten up to book 5. In my head that’s a reasonable amount in a series for the reader to get introduced with my writing. The characters. Atmosphere. And all that. It’s enough for people to know if they’d want to read more or not. And yet, I know I should keep on writing them, ‘cause what if they do?
But how I’m seeing it, but struggling with at the moment, is what if people like my writing, but that series isn’t really doing it for them?
Wouldn’t it be better if there was something else out there. A different genre. Just a different type of story. And wouldn’t they get over me if that wasn’t avalible?
Me, myself, have that point, if I like a person but don’t care for the type of book there writing, or have on the shelf—well, I can’t say that I forget them… but it’s not always on my mind. I’m not always looking for them. Waiting.
So, this is how I’m seeing it. I have this pull. One that wants me (really people, I love the characters, and I really wanna see what’s gonna happen next) to write the next in the series. I have them plotted out. There ready, just needing me to write them.
And another that think I should move on, wait and see what feedback I’m getting before going on with the series. Like I said, there plotted, it won’t take more than a month to get it all out. so, why not get onto something else.
But that’s the thing, I’ve only written a short story this month. I just can’t seem to get myself in the mood. And I don’t know how to fake it.
Til next time…