On Friday, I did a post because I was having trouble thinking. My head was a mess, and that post would have been a shit load worse if it wasn’t for the fact that I wrote the bottom half a few days before it, but as you can tell, maybe, it would have been shit anyway. But I didn’t bother re-reading it before it went up like I probably should have.
Anyway, the thing is that over the last 2 weeks (has it only been two weeks?) I have had many things put on me. None that should have mattered in any way (really they are crap reasons) but they clogged up my head and I couldn’t sort it out.
You seem at the moment I’m waiting on 5 books to be delivered. Yeah, nothing new there, though it has been awhile since I’ve gotten paperbacks. But I read my manga in paperback, only really, and so I ended up having a bit of money and I splurged.
Now, last week, I got book 15&16 of Bleach, you think this wouldn’t have been a problem, just read them, right. well, I did with the first one, since they didn’t come together, and it made me want them even more, so I stupidly said to myself that I would wait for the other ones to read the next.
Makes sense, I know, that’s why I thought it.
With that first lot, I also got vol. 3&5 of The Betrayal Knows My Name, but this one’s a little different, since it has been so long since I read the first two I decided that I needed to read them again before I started the new ones, and I did. Only I’m stuck at the ‘should I wait’ part of my again.
Like really, how unfair is it to be given two books in a series, but your waiting for 3 and that 3rd on happens to be the middle book?
Then, my thoughts on writing are like this. Since I’ve written 5 books in a series, I felt that it was enough to start, that if they moved quickly I can get writing on them again. But that I should stop and head over to some of my other WIPs, because having more around will get me notice more. And then you’ll buy, or more people will buy my books. Which means it will be worth doing this, and I won’t have to get a ‘real’ job.
That would be a big plus for me.
You see I don’t care if I never get awards, or become super popular with what I write, all I want out of it, is to make writing books a life time career, which to me, I need to get as many as I can out while I can, and then as I’m noticed, as people buy me, and I get a following of some degree, I can slow things down, write what you guys like of mine.
You know, this is assuming I’m any good.
Still, at the moment I’m on a pause.
It’s not a block, it’s a pause. I’ve got the ideas, there creating worlds of their own inside my head. My fingers are twitching, my mind is swirling, but more so, I want to write and haven’t be able to. When I’m in front of the page, littered with shit written down, and plot ideas and questions I need to answer. But I don’t know how to. I don’t know the answers and I can’t find them.
But it’s more than that. It’s a new story and I have no one to talk to about it.
You see, I’m not sure I have a muse or not. People talk about them, and it’s a little confused by who they are (is it a voice from the story? is it someone from the outside, that gives your ideas? Is it…?) Though it doesn’t really matter, ‘cause it’s there thing not mine.
I just get ideas, something they come from my own mind. From nowhere. Something’s from things I started to write will create something different. Sometimes from things, I’ve read that snowball, and cannonball, until they twist ‘round and become something completely different.
My place to think—my epiphany place, is the shower. Hell, I’d probably get it from swimming too, ‘cause I get them sometimes when I’m washing the dishes. I think it’s just a water thing. I’m crazy ‘bout water.
Not the point, so I don’t consider myself to have a muse, though I’m sure I have one like everyone I just don’t see it as that.
I do, however, have a story board, and that is my sister. She’s an awesome lass, really, love her to bits. I’m sure one day me—Mrs McGee will become this for me, but my sister is it for me. She’s willing to listen to all the crap that comes out of my head. What’s better, she get me, she understands the jumping quality of my brain, and she also holds a lot of smarts and perspective, and helps me see things I’m not able to. Things that are too far away, or are covered by my tunnel of what I want to story to be.
Really she’s the reason that my stories are bigger than they are, because she makes me see those things. She helps me with the points that might be missed because I’m too close to the story. She’s the one that plugs the holes and helps me create possibilities that I wouldn’t ever think of, because there not me. There not the type of person I am. And more so. They aren’t anything I would ever think of.
She’s got more of a romantic in her, though she doesn’t care for making love. Were I’m a fuck’em hard, or leave ‘em, type of person. I don’t see the point in dinners or date nights, it’s all to structure for me.
We think the same, and yet we don’t, or maybe it’s more, she just understands me and at the moment she’s on holidays in Korea before going to Japan (they’ve been there before) her and her boyfriend are the itchy feet type. Want to travel the world, and all that, so she’s away for 6 weeks leaving my here, stuck with new stories I want to write but feeling that I’ve got things missing with it. Not that I’m missing research I can’t find, who cares, I’d move on, make it a different one. One that doesn’t need things I can’t find. But I can’t, I’m stuck, I’m waiting for something and I wasn’t sure what the hell that way.
Anyway, my soundboard is gone on holidays. And though I miss her because she just isn’t here, and we have a standard weekly meeting, and she’s just not been here. but it’s more, it’s finally smacked me in the back of the head how much I need her while I write, or before I start writing. How much she helps me.
Like, yeah, I’m sure I can actually write them fine without her, or anyone, but there better from the start because all the kinks are straightened out before my fingers hit the keyboard, and I like that, it makes for a cleaner story.
Though you might not see it as being that clean—shit, does that mean I’m gonna lose any reader out there that I need their books written a certain way? Like completely gramma wise, because you truly ain’t gonna have that with mine, I just don’t write that way. And my characters certainly don’t talk, think, or act that way.
It’s a thought I need to hold close, ‘cause it’s probably going to be the thing bitched at the most.
Hopefully people will understand before they finish the first book. And it won’t be a problem to them overall.
I’m also very Aussie, and my books reflect that, and I’m not gonna change it, why should I?
I’m proud to be me!
Lost the point.
I miss my sister, she needs to be here so I can start my next book, but ‘cause I realised this I emailed her my plot line and she looked it over, and when she got back to me, she talked more about the female in the equation—she said that the romance between the boys would be good, because as he was probably in love with the teacher, or something like that, plus the baby, but I had that sort of things going. I had the two MCs down pact. What my sister gave me was the teacher. And why she’s go crazy? What she’d do when she came back. she gave me a point in the story that I hadn’t actually thought about ‘cause even though she’s there, she’s not actually the point.
But she’s a big point, and thanks to me sister, it’s made me feel as if I can actually write it.
Anywho, that was a long ramble, and I feel light for it
Thats if you made it to the end
Till next time…