Yep, that voice that every artist has that tells them what they are doing is shit, and it’s not going to get better.
How are we meant to deal with it? How are we meant to push it aside and keep on going?
That’s not a rhetorical question, seriously, how the fuck am I meant to keep on going?!
Okay, so that’s not fair. I have actually been through this before, and I know it’s just comes to a point where I have to pull up me britches and tell myself that it doesn’t matter if it sucks. It doesn’t matter if it has no meaning. If what I’m writing is hollow and no one will like it. I just have to finish it, and see what becomes of it.
That, if worse comes to worse, I’ll just have to turn the book into a series.
And that’s the thing, it’s all about that. It’s about pushing the bullshit of your own mind aside and grudging on.
I’m guessing it’s a little harder if you have people tell you that it’s as shit as you thought it was, but I’ll get to that when I get there.
Anyway, I’m at this point with Book A, which is irritating me, but also, with other things happening in ‘real life’ I’ve recently noticed that I’ve been in the start of a depression dump, which is awesome, you know, for me to notice so early on. Because though I should still go for help, once I know I’m falling, I grip hard onto the rail and I make myself do things to help pull me out.
So, it’s kinda been a towfa that I haven’t been interested in the book I write, because I haven’t been all that interested in Supernatural, even as I couldn’t pull myself away from it (honestly, can’t wait til next week when I can start season 3)
The YA book, Something Said, that I really want to write is still wavering. I like the idea of the story that I have, but when I originally started it up, is was a one night stand, which I’m trying to turn into a ‘first time’ story that’s got no actually sex—which isn’t all that hard. mostly because, the sex wasn’t penetrable. And I can easily make a feeling rather than organs, but it’s hard to get my head around the POV’s thoughts when this is all going on.
On another note, I got word from my beta that she’ll have My Kevin up and ready by the end of the week. She’s got exams for Uni, and she’s been dealing with the fire situation, since when it came, it was right up to her back door step, and she was still at home at the time.
It’s not that she’s got problems with it, more that it stuffs you around a little, because you lose time and the time you lose, you have to try and get back, while continuing on. It’s a bitch, and it takes time for you to get back into the swing of things.
But, still, by next week I’m hoping to have My Kevin back and an idea if she’s happy enough with her own work that I can use her as my editor and get this up and ready by the week after.