Saturday, 20 August 2011

btiching, always bitching

so it seems that I'm stuck again. what a surprise right? honestly, I'm sure your sick to death of it, but hey, I never gave you the idea that I don't like to talk. 
  so it seems that I can't right this book, and yet I know I can it's more that I can't seem to make myself want to, like I'm still missing something or that I'm swinging off again into a place I didn't want it to go (not that my mind would clue me onto this fact until it fixed itself up). 
  so it seems that I should cut myself some slack, since I have been reading J.R.Wards insiders guide and it seems that two months to write a book is asking to much of myself, though I don't really think so, mostly because to me it was all about me writing it, I had everything figured out. ha, it was a lie, I now I didn't think it at the time but it was the biggest lie on the fact of the planet. really, everything figured out, I didn't know shit, and now, nothings working out for me. though I can start writing this cave thing again, maybe, because I figured out how to get her to do it, to finally see she can do anything herself in this particular part. but when I start writing it, I get side tracked, or I hate how it's translating from brain to key bored. honest it's enough to drive me made, but more so because I don't know what I'm describing - meaning I haven't been in that situation so it's hard to put into words something that I haven't felt. something that I haven't ever really seen. it's all fact pictures and because of that I'm drawing blanks when it comes to parts of the book, lines and faces and things blurred because I just don't know what I'm doing. and it's frustrating as hell that I can't figure it out, that I can't write it the way I won't to because I haven't been in that situation and it's not like I'm going to go out and put myself there's not a place I would ever really want to find myself in. thank you very much.
  so it's like three quarters of the way threw the book - where I'm at - and she in a dark cavern under (or maybe next, but under all the same) the water, like those caves that your have to get to from the water. anyway, so there in there, and she learning, and than the tide comes in, which evidently ends up flooding the place, and she and the second character (him) are trapped and he's hit his head (making it so she's on her own, while having to save someone else - really its all about character building, but then this book, if I can pull it off, I'm hoping to have a great underline story to say, about grief and acceptance.) he's concussed and she's got to get them out (the paranormal part of my book is how she can make that possible) but she's not sure she can. 
  so my problem is that she's stuck in a cavern that lit with only two glowing lights deep in the water way over the other side of the cavern. water is rising faster than she can think, and she's got to concentrate on something she's only been able to do once and that was when her life was on the line, in a much different way. so I have to try and understand what the hell it's like to be in that situation, what exactly she would be able to see, where she's got to go (though I know this, she doesn't), I have to get her to go threw the paces before she's forced to swim, when she's never swam before, but that's also helped by magic. and I have to make this whole scene last like 10 -15 pages, while being interesting enough for it to have that many...
  it's hard, even more so is the fact that I seem to have a lot of trouble getting my stories to get over 100 pages (this is A4, single spaced), but I think I can, as long as I keep at it, like really I can't be an author if I can't be bothered writing a book. though that, I know, is because of the amount of organisation in this book, I don't like knowing how my books going to end, I like to find that out with the characters, thank you very much, and then fix it up when I'm finished with the first draft. 
  well thanks for reading my bitch. I think to that I'm having trouble writing is because of all those books that I have waiting for me to read, and I want to read them, but I've told myself I have to get threw this part of the book before I pick one up to read it. but I think because of the fact that I'm so distracted that I might read one this avo and see if it helps, if it inspires me, or someshit, into wanting to write (which happens more than not).
  anyway, thanks for listening (sorry reading) me bitch. though I would like to point out that the way I am writing on this, isn't the way I am in my books, well not all the time, actually, maybe I'm kidding myself and this is how I write, I'd like to say it isn't but honestly you can only write how you write and relied on the characters to make the story different. or is that just me? I do try not to have to be a voice in it, to change the way I write to suit
  anyway, I thinking of reading... actually I'm not to sure, but more than anything I'm thinking that I might pick up a YA book, but thinking about it, I really want to read Embrace by Blood, and I have wanted to read that one since I new it was coming out, and yet... anyway it will be one of the books from the list in the previous blog.
  so again thanks for listening to be talk about nothing, and it's cool if you just skipped most of it, I know I would have. 
  um... one or two more things, if you haven't looked, or now, I changed around 'My Shelf' it's now more of a brag page. I actually think that's it exactly. so not only does it now have the names of the short stories on it with links, but it also has all the books that I have written, even if you never hear about them again. it has there names where there from, in terms of series, stand alone, all that crap, when the first draft was finished and where there at (though at the moment it's all editing, but that's just cause...yeah). it the things that I have done, what I'm proud of and all that, and even though I know my first book isn't all that great, I'm proudest of it, because it's the book that opened my eyes and made me want to do this for the rest of my life. 
  so yeah, that's that. have a great day/night, I sure as shit will be, and the next next thing on here will be a book review, from the book I'm about to read.

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